Throwback Thursday - Me and Dubya Banned in Venezuela for Terrorism
I'm new to this blogging thing, but I'm hip enough to know about Throwback Thursdays.
I think it was the spring of 2015, I was at home recovering from my 14th heart transplant when I got a call from Dubya informing me that we'd been banned in Venezuela, LOL!
"Git this, Big Time" - (an irritating nickname Dubya coined for me) - "Doggoneit...that SOB is HIGH-larious... hehe... I tell yah, whatta character".
"I'm sorry...which SOB?"
"Hold on to your spurs Dick. That Bus Driving Socializer! That's Who!
Darnit, my sides are about to split Dick....hehe, I canst take it, it's just too good. Good Lord, I canst even finish my oil paintin!"
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"Maduro?" (Poor George was never really good with names)
"Yup, aawwffully funny ain't it? I mean, yah just caint git any funnier than that, am I right Dick?"
I let out a faint chuckle.
"Yes, Mr. President."
"I meen, the guy actually said twas cuz we wuz like Terrorists, uuuuuwheee. Now that's rich!"
"Hold on Dick, I'll read it to yah - gimme a sec here....uuuhhmm....waaaiitt...gimme annoer...oh, oh, I gotsit!"
"This is just too good Big Time, you're gonna love it... hold on, okay...Ahem,:
I have decided on a prohibition list for individuals who will not be permitted visas and who can never enter Venezuela, [including] top US politicians who have committed human rights violations. They have bombed the people of Iraq, the people of Syria, the people of Vietnam,...
"Says right here'n'black'n'white, Dick. I swur. That fat bastard actually said V-IET-NAM!!
Goddmanit Big Time, this guys got bigger cohones than YOU! Hahaaaaaaa.
Wait...wait....there's more...he made some stupid list or summin.
"...Mr. President, we did bomb th..."
"Dick, i said wait. Trust me, this is pure black gold right here."
"Here, he goes again. Darnit, I love this guy."
They cannot come to Venezuela because they are terrorists."
"I mean he ACTUALLY called us terrorists, Big Time! And little Marco made the list too. Poor guy hasn't even started doing proper PR for legit Defense contractor yet. He's gonna be devastated, jus like meh.... heh heh!"
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"It is rather cute, Mr. President. But no one's going to believe that the greatest war machine ever assembled on god's green Earth is anything but a force for spreading freedom and democratic val.."
"YEAH, YEAH. I knows it, Big Time. Plain as day, you're either the terrorists or your against the terrorists. You know?"
"Well, I wouldn't say it quite like that... listen. There's a lot of American oil buried underground in Venezuela...beautiful stuff. And I think they could use our assistance in... extracting value from it."
"Sure, sure... hey! Does that guy even realize that Barry's in the White House right now? Have you seen his wife Michelle? That woman is hotter than the sun, I tell ya..."
"You know what it is? I think they're jus jealous that we didn't include them in the whole Axis of Evil speech, right? They should be grateful, if you ask me."
"Working on a new one Dick... sending you a screen shot... hold on...
Didya get it?"
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"I, got it... but.. can I ask? Who is that again?"
"I can't remember, Mohamed bin Zayed Al... Bin something rather. Heck, I jus call him MbZ. He threw that party, you know the one where we sacrificed that goat on his private plane and threw it into the desert... Come on, you know. Or maybe that was his dad... dang!
"How bout this one, Big Time?"
(The painting thing was suggested by his psychologist to help stop the nightmares but we don't talk about it. Ever.)
"They're lovely. Lovely paintings of lovely people, George..."
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"Jesus, I know these guys are like Supreme dictators but they have the best parties, no questions asked. Why can't Maduro be more like the House of Saud or our Supreme friends in the good'ol UAE?
I mean, it's a no-brainer. Just give us the oil and we'll give you some jets or summin, right?
Hell, if he said he'd bomb Cuba we could look the other way, 2 birds with one stone. But, I don't need to tell YOU that.
Heck, I'm talking to the Man himself....sheeeeeeeitt".
"Alright, Dick.... I guess I'll let you go. But I want you to know that I'm working on another painting jus for you Big Time... You're gonna kill me... but I think you'll love it, like I do."
Another beautiful man.
It's called - Dick Vader. "
I quietly hung up the phone.
Looking at the painting sideways I thought I saw glimmer of a smile....
Banned in Venezuela, hahahahaaaaa.
We'll see about that... this new heart has a 10 year warranty.
