Summer is here! And I've been having a fantastic time of it, particularly since my closest girlfriend of over 30 years is up from NC for a month with her family, and as a result All of the kids, grown and children alike, are spending a lot more time doing family stuff :0)
It also means that there has been a lot of discussions around the campfires about things going on in the world....
In general I keep my personal views off of social media, but I have a lot of thoughts about a lot of things, and one of those things involve a highly controversial topic in recent months, revolving around orientation.
First I want to say, I'm very big on Live and let live- do no intentional harm. In general this means, if you're an adult, do you, as long as you're not hurting anyone.
Which is not to be confused with offending anyone, because that's a whole other thing in this far too sensitive society. (I grew up in the "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me" era; and I still feel that way.)
Anyway. I thought I'd document some of my thoughts (alongside pictures of some the people I've expressed them to recently)
In this case someone brought up Matt Walsh and his What is a woman documentary.
If you haven't seen it, the basic premise is a man interviewing people looking for the definition of a woman. We seem to be at a point in time where men can just call themselves a woman and that's enough for them compete in women's sports, and many, including myself, have a problem with this, so I was interested in how this film would unfold.
However if you have seen it, then you know his focus was definitely on an extreme group who seems to have forgotten why they would want to change in the first place.
My input is- If your answer to the question What is a woman is someone who simply identifies as a woman- what would then be the sense in changing your body chemistry or having operations to physically change yourself? To become what exactly? If there are no differences between genders, what is the point of any of it?
Not all trans people are the over the top lunatics (for the most part) presented in the film however. For example, if you check out Boldly Growing Forward on TikTok, you'll find a trans woman who is one hundred percent against the transitioning of children- even thinks 18 is too young to make life altering changes- and is very vocal about it. As well as against trans women in women's sports.
And if she exists, others must also, very likely many others. But as usual, the media sensationalizes the extremists to turn people against each other.
Because yeah, the fact that these people can't define a woman is ludicrous, and that they want to give children life altering drugs or operations is horrifying, particularly in light of that.
The question then becomes, what about kids who feel very strongly they were born in the wrong body, what of the depression many of them face? How do we handle these issues?
Well. When my daughter was going through puberty she was confused, angry, upset etc. about many things- including her orientation. The way we handled it was to explain that all of the feelings and confusion were absolutely normal, hormones during that time are intense, and that she didn't need to worry too much over any of it as her body would adjust and level out, and so would her emotions.
Basically we just kept stressing that she wasn't abnormal and we loved her no matter what. Once she had opened up and was given those assurances, there was improvement just from that.
The one thing she made a point of a few years later was how unbelievably grateful she was that we didn't try and tell her she was not gay, or that she was gay, or that she was something else etc. We didn't tell her she was anything but beautiful and wonderful and our daughter whom we would always love. (She figured it out on her own, and is now a confident, strong 21 year old woman in a healthy committed relationship with a young man.)
I was told by someone that my thoughts and examples were not a mainstream view. Huh. When people say mainstream, I have to wonder what that even means now?
People are so quick to want to prove how modern and accepting they are, they'll plant ideas in their children's heads in the name of that. For example "Honey, your puberty confusion might mean you are LGBTQ and that's perfectly okay".
Which of course, if they are, then it should be perfectly fine. But it only adds to the confusion to put labels on any of it.... Nobody truly knows themselves until they're at least through that period of life.
I've also seen multiple examples of kids using these things for attention. (In no way am I saying that's always the case, so readers calm yourselves) For example, both of my kids had friends who said they were transgender, chose different names, dressed a certain way etc. A couple years later they all went back to being their born genders... but man were they ever insistent and dramatic about it at the time.
It's fortunate their parents didn't think experimental drugs were the way to go, otherwise there's a much greater chance they would be an absolute mess at this point, instead of just growing out of what was obviously a phase.
As someone who remembers puberty hormones and is now going through pre menopause- I can attest that natural hormones can be insane without messing with them and adding chemicals to the mix.
And there are also cases where they aren't at all looking for attention, but simply change as they get older-- actually I'll give one more personal example to illustrate:
When my stepson (who's in his late twenties now) was a kid he liked to crossdress. He also asked for Barbies and more feminine style gifts... essentially he liked what was stereotypically considered girl stuff.
We never made any issue of it one way or another. We bought him the Barbies and shrugged at the crossdressing. And he became far more masculine after his transition into puberty, no longer crossdressed or even particularly liked what society would call feminine things.
What did happen is that he came out as gay when he was sixteen, and is now happily married to a lovely man (they are two of the most fantastic people on this earth ❤️), and neither of them are what people would think of as "overly girly", despite those early years.
His opinion on the whole subject is that instead of being confident, healthy and happy- if transgender ideas had been encouraged, let alone pushed on him, he would be an absolute basket case now, instead of a well adjusted gay man cresting thirty.
Illustrating once again that before a certain age No One knows what they truly want and who they truly are.
So my thoughts are- Why don't we all just try making people feel loved and accepted? Stop on one hand trying to change them, or the other, trying to facilitate change in the name of how cool we are.
If they want to make drastic changes, just like every other thing, let it be age appropriate. If they're not mature enough to have a beer until they're 21, I'd say that's probably a good cutoff for doing any life altering operations or medications.
In the meantime, help them find healthy ways to express themselves and be a support network for them. Let them dress how they want and engage in the activities they enjoy without making a big deal out of it. Let them figure it out naturally over time, and try to be a good listener.