You really believe that such a speech wouldn't have hurt my son?

How would he look at me if I gave him a testimony of poverty that at the same time represented me as a victim of a society? Finally I myself went to school, adjusted myself and lived a life up to now, which can neither be told in complete resistance nor in complete adaptation? If I had spoken like you, I would have sown in my son's heart the mistrust of everything he cannot control.

At the interfaces to the areas where I am dealing with things with which I partly agree and partly disagree, how am I supposed to tell my son something with certainty that only has one effect: that he stands against those who meet him every day, since he will not succeed in meeting our Chancellor or others from the government in person? Do you not believe that he, so indoctrinated by me, will look for people whom he will make his enemies? This would not only turn those into enemies, whom he will probably never meet in person, but also those who deal with him on a daily basis.

What kind of suffering would I cause, misuse my son to bring anger and resignation upon him and at the same time make an admission of my own insignificance, not knowing that I would only bequeath what I would be ashamed of myself?

It is a fact that we do not have everything under control. It is important to distinguish where I can do something like self-efficacy and where I cannot.

I have found a good way with the teachers, not to regard them as agents of higher powers but as people who have ambivalent attitudes and try to move creatively within them. I openly said that it took me until eleven o'clock in the morning to realize how I wanted to express myself about the absence of my son and only after I thought about it, my heart had calmed down, I talked about it on the phone with my man, I sent an e-mail to the teacher asking her to call me back. I revealed that I had not yet been sure how to react.

How to deal with situations that unsettle you and where it takes hours or days to decide what the right thing to do is never easy. The "right thing" never has final statements or final solutions. We always move in a field of tension of uncertainties and decision moments. The safest option is to express yourself honestly and say, "You know what, I really haven't arrived at a position yet. How can we help our children to realize that disobedience does not mean giving a finger to the conflicts, but to engage in a lively exchange with those to whom one has just disobeyed?" It's good to find authorities in adults who are open to admit that what the students are a part of will accompany them from now on.

Don't you see the opportunity that has presented itself here between school, teachers, parents and children?

School is an institution that is seen as an authority to which one is in conflict. Precisely because it is, it is a good proxy for the government. We know that we need education and we know that much could be improved and changed. But we can only do that if we stay in touch and don't pretend that our children meet an enemy every day.

I admit that I got upset at you to formulate such a thing to my son. Certainly I will overcome it.