Radical Left: Fifteen days to flatten the curve!
Me: Okay. Well, I'm a freelancer and I don't have anything scheduled in the next two weeks. I'm not gonna fight this too hard
(One month later)
Radical Left: Stay at home and wear a mask or you wanna kill grandma.
Me: Okay, we're a little past the fifteen days. My grandma has been dead for almost twenty years. I've got a gig coming up. Can you show me some data?
Radical Right: I refuse to wear a mask!
Me: Okay, I'm not entirely read up on the data and I respect your decisions; but, I don't mind masking if I'm entering a private property that requires it.
(Two months later)
Radical Left: Abolish the police! But, also, throw people in jail who violate the lockdown orders!
Me: Ummm...what?
(Five months later)
Radical Left: You're doing your duty as a citizen by staying home.
Radical Right: I'm going to cough within six feet of people.
Me: Ummm, okay, you guys have all cost me about $20,000 worth of contract gigs.
(One month after that)
Radical Left: Okay, it's safe to get on planes; but, it's not okay to go to a sporting event in an open air stadium.
Me: Are you high? That makes literally no sense.
(Skip ahead a bit)
Radical Left: Large social gatherings are dangerous and spreading the disease and should be banned; but, if it's a BLM march, the virus won't care and we shouldn't enforce any restrictions for mass gatherings.
Me: Okay, this is going off the rails.
Radical Right: Private citizens should pick up their guns and defend people's homes and businesses if the cops won't. Anybody who does is a hero.
Radical Left: It's all just property. Let angry people steal or destroy it and the cops should stay out of it and private citizen should prevent damage or theft.
Me: People, can we slow down and think about the implications?
(A few months later)
Government: There are vaccines!
Me: Great!
Radical Left: Mandate them!
Radical Right: I'll never take the shot and you're a lemming if you do!
Me: Well, most vaccines have worked. I won't force anybody to put anything into his or her body that he or she doesn't want; but, I'll get it.
Radical Right: Lemming!
Radical Left: "He or she" is assuming a binary gender construct that excludes people who identify neither as male or female. You are a bigot. Also, you're an anti-vaxxer.
(One month later)
Radical Right: We should have stayed in Afghanistan.
Radical Left: Biden didn't fuck up the withdraw. It was always going to suck.
Me: I mean, we should have pulled out of Afghanistan a long time ago; but, Biden clearly fucked this up.
Both the Radical Right and Left...mostly Left attack me.
(Fast forward)
Average people: There's a new variant that we should be concerned about; but, it really isn't killing anybody.
Radical Left: Make like Australia and lock everybody in their homes again until this goes away!
Radical Right: Seriously, now you're literally trying to combat the flu with fascism.
Me: I actually have to agree with the radical Right on this one.