Bear with me here people...
So, Dominic Cummings is doing a hatchet job on Johnson in revenge for being put out to pasture and removed from actually running the country by proxy.
Johnson spent the early pandemic at Chevening discussing plans for his engagement and baby announcements rather than say, attend COBRA meetings. that last part, matter of record.
He wanted to be injected with COVID live on TV. After all, he was already shaking hands with patients in COVID wards to show there was nothing dangerous about the plan to follow a herd immunity strategy - other than the 500,000 deaths that would ensue.
But only of old people over 80. So that was fine, right?
There was no shielding plan. No Plan B other than herd immunity and hope for the best. That's why things went a bit shit.
Why... now?
Well, for one thing Boris is facing growing discontent. People who think the economy should have taken precedence over folks who had ceased contributing to it. They are draw downs rather than pay ins. So every one that dies is a net gain - economically speaking.
By the time of the second lockdown, Boris did apparently say let the dead pile high in the streets. Again, matter of record multiple times, but denied by the serial Pinocchio we call our Prime Minister.
But why now?
Well, if Boris reopens the economy to full bore, 150 person capacity (which we would almost certainly not be doing, because we actually like living) on June 21st that challenge will go, and the champagne will flow like Arrakis spice.
Here's the thing. Who doesn't want that? Well, before Cummings was Johnson's monster he was Gove's. Gove has been suspiciously silent through all this, because he's a Jeffrey Archer character and he has eyes on the prize. And can bring Cummings back to where he needs to be.
In the heart of government. Destroying it.
This is a power play, aimed at cutting the head off the beast.
But... just think of the long term benefits. The Tories would lose the most popular - if divisive - Prime Minister they have had since Margaret Thatcher. They'd lose Pooh and gain Piglet.
They'd be governed by an even more divisive figure, despised by many on both sides of the house who has stabbed countless others in the back again and again and again. And he'd bring in Cummings, literally THE most divisive figure in British government.
Oppositions don't win elections. Governments lose them. Maybe even our sorry excuse for an actual opposition might manage that.
But the real kicker? They have literally only just decorated to an incredibly expensive and polarising taste. Spent all the money for the life of the current parliament on gold wallpaper and then some £60K more.
And Sarah Vine would have to live with it.
Sometimes life is like that. Everyone can get what they want and still lose.
Its a big day for the UK.