Neutralised Speech.

With Net Neutrality possibly going the way of the dodo and going to the great internet safety rules in the sky - i thought it about time to rant about the EU version thats coming into effect on May 25th. The one where we, the consumers, do in fact get the protection that those in the US so desperately, and are wetting their tighty whities, want. Or do we? cos as we all know,there will always be something in it that makes the EU seem like David Copperfield and perform a vastly, outlandish totally doable illusion. An illusion so crafty that even David can be heard to say "how the fuck did they do that?"

This new EU law is called "General Data Protection Regulation" or GDPR for short. No more will our computers be sitting there like giant cookie monsters,eating up our personal data like pacman on speed and selling it to the highest bidder.Much like most politicians do when they are lobbied. This law basically protects the general public from big corps who want to sell our personal data. Imagine a spotty,angst ridden teen, still in bed,at noon...on any day of the week and their mum is trying,with no luck to get them up. Said teen will say to that mum "fuck off and leave me alone!". altho what you hear is "mmmm whhhyssrt grrumpph!" These teens really should have subtitles somewhere on them. wonder if siri can translate those grunts? Now imagine the mother just picking the dirty, crusty clothes that are lying on the floor - or stuck to the ceiling - and instead of the teen thinking that she will just wash them and put them back, she sells them to whoever wants it. Wrong right? Well yes. I mean what a lazy fucking teen. Get a fucking job you layabout! Clean ya own clothes. But aside from,it's wrong that some places in this world have the possibility of having an unfair internet. where freedom of speech is dictated to you by big corps and the government. Yeah. 

With facebook switching nearly 1.5 billion of their users in Africa,Asia,australia & Latin America to their cali base and out of their irish base, makes it easy for them to stick two fingers up at EU and this law, now that the US is telling Net Neutrality to shove it up their rectums. And then giving directions to the local hospital so they can get said law surgically removed. It’s… uncomfortable in there. Like sitting on a pineapple,and it disappearing  and wondering where the fuck it went. To infinity and beyond! Sidenote: best “toy” store ever… What were we talking about? Erm….

Websites with bases in non-Net Neutrality countries are still beholden to their country’s laws, which means anything from those countries that WE use (Facefuck, YouBitch, Goo… Uh… Goosuckass? And yes, even Twitfuck) can get thru like someone whos had a bad case of constipation and they’ve just had full body enima. Beer enema that is. So it’s all good and well that the EU has passed this legislation, but the fact remains that on the WORLD Wide Web, what goes on in other countries still matters. I mean you know what WWW stands for right? “wankers watching weird shit.”- and that’s just the NSA and FBI. fuck knows what Trump is watching. Most likely Barney the Dinosaur. Although sometimes he skips it because it’s above his age range.

Now this is well and good for us here in UK, cos we will be covered by a new EU law.This basically gives everyone in the EU protection on their privacy. You can give a two fingered salute to anyone who says “i want your data and sell it”.  So will the UK have something like in place when it leaves the EU? Well,that’s hard to know at this point. Everyone is more mum than an ancient mummy at a stag do, doing karaoke. So it could go the way of dodo and be like the US and have a really sucky internet,where our personal data means millions for those who want to use it for bad means. And there will  be fuck all we can do about it. Combine this with the “Investigatory Powers Act” - Snoopers Charter to you and me - and the future doesn’t look too bright. And you won’t be able to google that shit - cos they’ll know!

The point is that this is all a good start, but without looking at Net Neutrality or the new EU internet law on a global scale, it is still has us all being fucked in the ass, sealed with a kick in the balls and immunity. And loving it. Without knowing why. 

Yeah, without Net Neutrality, the free internet is not so free is it?   

Thanks to Jessica Perry for helping with this weeks rant. 

TOPIC LINKS.

LINK 1 - How Europe’s new privacy rule is reshaping the internet

LINK 2 - Europe's New Online Privacy Rules Could Protect U.S. Users Too

LINK 3 - Facebook moves 1.5bn users out of reach of new European privacy law

LINK 4 -  General Data Protection Regulation (Wikipedia)