As I told those useless cunts in parliament earlier today "immigrants are the spilt and pointless semen of the planet, and if they're not going to wash cars, they can fuck off back to bongo bongo land!"
Dear plebs.
It's come to my attention that a number of you have been croaking about me being nasty to immigrants recently, and a few of the hairy, unwashed, social justice twats have even been marching on Parliament in protest about it.
That stupid fucking lesbo Amber Rudd has caused me a right bleeding headache too, partly because she couldn't organise a blow job in a Brothel (which, fair play to her, this is the job of the Home Secretary as far as I'm concerned), but mostly as a result of the fact the stupid brain-dead bitch went on national telly saying there wasn't a policy on immigrant numbers, despite the fact that I've been saying for years that there is. Fucking twat, I'm considering moving her to a shit cabinet post after that, one where the only thing she's responsible for is pulling the crusty shit out of David Davis' hairy arse after he's had it roughly pumped by the EU attack bastards.
So, I wanted to set the record straight, so you all understand exactly where I stand on this. Ready?
I COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IMMIGRANTS
As far as I'm concerned, they're all a bunch of useless, uneducated, paupers who aren't fit to be set on fire and used to ignite George Osborne's farts at Bullingdon Club alumni meetings.
If they want to come into the country to work 22 hours a day for three quid a week (and they can fucking well pay tax on that too) then fine, as long as they hide themselves away in some backwards town in the North, where everyone's on the Dole and they spend all their time shooting up glue or whatever, then great. As long as they don't come near my constituency of Maidenhead.....Otherwise then they can all be tied to the back of a ship with ropes and towed back to whatever shithole country they ran away from in the first place.
Yes, I know some of them are apparently running away from warzones, mostly ones which our military is happily dropping Lockheed Martin's heavy ordinance on, but to be honest with you, if we don't have civilians getting their limbs blown off and their faces reduced to pock-marked napalm squish, then what the fuck is the point in it? Someone's got to get toasted by white phosphorus, or it just isn't worth the messing about training Scousers to do exactly as their told without question in the good-old British army.
If I have to sit through one more fucking long winded moan from that queer jam-packer Corbyn about how Johnny Foreigner's all need amnesty from being roughly buttfucked by the sex-pests we hire to run the Immigration Centres, then I'm going to let Donald just go all Apocalypse Now on everything east of Romania.
Because as far as I'm concerned, not a single one of them deserves jack shit from me, because they're all too bloody poor for us to screw them for the tuppence-ha'penny they earn from wiping arses or washing cars.
Let me know what you think in the comments below. I don't actually care what you think, because I'm the PM, and that means you're just a disgusting worm who I can chop in two with a word to the security services any time I want. But I'm obviously keen to get a fuck load of sycophantic comment bots telling me "I agree with you completely"
Hugs
Rt Hon. Theresa May, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom
Rt Hon. Theresa May, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom