Gotcha. I don’t think I could do that, to be honest. I’m married, and love my wife to the ends of the universe...but at the same time, I often feel attracted to other women (a natural thing). I never take it further than friendship, but maintaining a connection with a female outside of my marriage often seems like more work than it is with my wife. I could probably be accused of an “emotional affair” or two, but in the end I always end up realizing it was more lust than anything else, and I push the other person away.

The one connection I did have that could have led to something was with a female friend I’d had for a while before I met my wife. When I started dating my wife, this friend suddenly started coming on to me (after years of keeping me in the friend zone). She would regularly tease me, ask me if I ever thought about having sex with her. I was honest, and said I did (jacked off all the time to thoughts of her). Long story short, maintaining that kind of connection was too difficult. And my wife sensed that my attention was divided.

There’s some other stuff that happened that led to me needing to sever most ties to her. But, I still think about that other girl from time to time. If she were to come to my neck of the woods, I can’t say I would be able to resist temptation (does that make me evil?).

The truth is that I used to think I was aspirationally polyamorous...but really, I was just incredibly horny. I need the deep, committed connection with one person. I could probably maintain one outside. But eventually, I’d screw up one, or the other, or both...and end up alone.