I will not apologize for being me.
I used to be soft; a doormat that anyone could fold into their vision of who they wanted me to be. Then I woke up.
People don't like strong vocal women. They say that they do- Maury says, "that's a lie".
If you're the type who doesn't like to back down when you're not in the wrong, we are very much the same in that regard.
Being strong doesn't mean there's no weakness nor does it define lack of compassion or being nice- perhaps the opposite.
After an amazing day a couple of days ago, I entered into a scenario where I felt forced into pulling the hard shell over my "nice" soft insides. Though I may not have shown compassion for the person creating undo conflict, my compassion- every ounce of it, was for my Daughter.
I'm in the poverty bracket. For many years I was doing very well however, a couple untimely decisions tossed me around in a personal hell. For a year now, I've been working very hard on recovery, reflection and slowly getting back into a better emotional and financial place.
It's not been easy. My Daughter's and my mental health leave little wiggle room to work with. But- I have slowly been climbing.
I spent nearly all June researching and applying for summer camps and bursaries for the little one. This took far more time than it should have since we cannot afford internet at home nor do I have a tablet or desktop (due to theft last summer), I was also spending a lot of time at my kid's school as a volunteer parent because of behavioral barriers.
We were set with camps. For the first two weeks in July she'd be at Science Quest Camp run by Queens University in Kingston Ontario. I was very happy about this as I'd tried to get my Daughter into this camp for three years. To great shock and delight, my very picky girl loved the science camp (engineering for little ones). I'd often wondered if engineering would be a strong interest to her and when you find something that a picky disabled child enjoys it's like stepping into hot comforting sun while feeling shivery cold.
I did some odd jobs and sold a few personal items that I'd loved but recognized weren't as important as child socialization. After a lot of time, commitment, and hard work I had the money to cover the remaining cost of $130 after the bursary.
Happy, I stopped for an adult drink and fries an hour or so prior to picking my girl up in a cab. This was MY time. My time to feel good and relax. I pulled it off for my little girl JUST in time. Go Mommy!!
The Confrontation
Upon arrival at the camp, a young camp counselor told me that I have an outstanding payment and just as I was about to hand her the money she said that I needed to pay for a week that the kiddo wasn't there.
See, my kiddo didn't go to camp on Canada Day as initially planned because we had a fun family day planned. On that Tuesday I emailed the camp and asked if we could swap her first week out for the third or fourth week. Having been ONLY told that the adjustment was fine, I was not aware that they'd be billing me for the first week regardless.
I receive scarcely over $500 per month to live and Queens Camp was aware of this.
I told the girl that my child wasn't in camp that week to which I was "cutely" given this face, and told that I still need to pay. I explained that I'd not been informed that the date change would still cost me for that week and had I known I would have taken my Daughter to camp.
This face again (or still)
"Who did you talk to?"
"Chloe"
"Let me see the email"
"I have a cab waiting"
"Fine..." And I look through emails while in a flustered state; showed her this:
"That doesn't say that you don't have to pay" ...
She was right but, as of the same morning at 10:53am I was informed that my balance was different than that little miss sassy was demanding (email shows for one week)... So, IT DIDN'T SAY THAT I HAD TO PAY FOR THE WEEK PRIOR. 😥
I fluster around trying to find our many other emails. My email space is a mess and it feels like I'm trying to dig through a drawer to find a bobby pin before a job interview that I'm already late for.
Forget the Bobby pin!!
"I can't find it right now and I have a cab waiting. Can I just pay you for this wk and I'll show you tomorrow"
"No"
"Can I talk to your supervisor"
"no, there is no supervisor"
"You're a little girl, who do you think you are treating people like that? I have a cab waiting I'll call your supervisor later"
"Mom, have you been drinking?"
"Yes, I had a drink while you were at camp. That has nothing to do with this situation, I'm not paying for something we didn't get"
I took my daughter by the hand to leave. As we were leaving my girl asked if she could have a tiny handful of purple moon sand in a filled giant bin. The sassy teen told her she couldn't have it. I turned around and took a handful and gave it to my daughter.
I watched my kid walk ahead of me before I turned around and said, "fuck you" to the sassy teen.
We got in the cab and I held back tears while we went to my friend's home so that her son and my daughter could have a play date.
The Unexpected Unwelcome Visit
10pm at night, we are home and both in bed- the police and Children's Worker is knocking on my door.
"We had a report from the summer camp that they're worried for your Daughter's safety"
..... What the flying fuck?!?
And they all waited until a time frame that children are in bed at? ... Ok then.