You know how we can spend hours, days, months or even years believing in our own reality until somehow out of the blue the "real reality" strikes us? For example, we listen to an old song and we say "Oh I used to love this song" but only until someone tells us that song is from 2001 we actually realize that son is 17 years old and we are not a teenager anymore.
Well, a few days ago it struck me hard that I´m not a teenager anymore, in the full sense of the word. For the first time I realized I need to do a proper diet and a shiton of excercise to actually be fit, whereas just a few years ago I could eat whatever I wanted and just play ball whenever I felt like and I would have a fit and healthy appearance. I was also impressed of how different I look in pictures that are just a couple of years old and how my lack of sleep and bad habits have taken a toll on me.
I still like how I look, but I´m not nearly as presentable as I would like to be, especially if I want to land a Russian hottie at some point; you know what they say, "Love comes through the eyes".
So, since I am a Mexican and I love leaving things to the last minute - procrastination should be my middle name - I think I want to take care of myself in this part of my life, but not until the next year begins. Of course I´m not starting a diet before that! Do you really think I´m going to say No to all the treats and yummy food that it´s usually served during Christmas season? No, no, I´m not a maniac.
In the past I´ve been able to stop drinking, smoking and eating junk food for short periods of time whenever I put myself to the task, just to play and to give myself a reminder that I´m still in control of my habits, vices and negative routines and I´ve always been able to go through this reality checks I put myself into. Up until a couple of months ago when I tried eating vegetarian for three weeks and broke the diet 3 days into it; or a few weeks ago when I put myself the task of not smoking for a few weeks and I broke my word one week into it.
You see, it looks like I´m no longer in control of my bad habits and that´s something to worry about, especially since I deem myself master of my fate and captain of my soul. For the first time in a long time I think about being fit and excerising, not smoking and control my bad habits and I think it will be hard if not impossible, whereas a couple of years ago I could lose weight or stop smoking in a matter of days.
Being in a Cenote, so close to nature and with time for myself and for my own thinking, made me realize that for the past months I´ve been drifting off this version of myself I thought I was, but just as realizing that a song is 17 years old, It hit me hard that I´m almost 30 years old and I´m not nearly the person I pictured myself I would be when I was 23.
And its something I can control, but I didn´t realize it needed to be controlled until it hit me, and boy, it definitely hits hard when you weren´t expecting it.