Those situations that make you question your patience and you wonder if all the effort will be worth it at some point. Where you are filled with uncertainty and self-doubt because of the actions of others, you start to blame yourself, to pay for the broken dishes and that's when you think, I don't deserve to live like this, I don't deserve the emotional wear and tear I'm having to prove that I am no longer who I unfortunately was months ago. The time comes to make a decision, a decision that you do not know how beneficial it will be, after all, you prefer life to surprise you, letting it flow, rather than continue tormenting you.
It is now when you prefer to support yourself, you make the decision to embrace yourself, give yourself all the love you deserve, leave all the bad memories behind and keep moving forward. My family has been a great pillar for this whole process, our relationship at home has improved so much that sometimes I find it hard to believe. It was so hard for me to see the coexistence coming, now that I am living it, it feels wonderful, it feels incredible, I am enjoying it, enjoying every moment with them, I am thankful for everything that is happening and what is yet to come.
Healing does not mean that the hurt never existed, healing means that what once hurt no longer controls your life. For years I was taught that "forgetting" was the right way to heal. That only when you forget something bad, when you get it out of your system, then you can be okay. For me, speaking from my experience, it's not like that. We have to learn to live with those pains, to understand and accept them, to know that they are there for a reason. That they came to teach us something, that if we did not have to live through it, although it is very hard for us to accept it, it must be for a reason. Therefore, healing was never a matter of time or forgetting. To heal is to live and prosper, accepting what we have been given, and being grateful for what will come to us.
Even though this week started off on the wrong foot, I have a feeling it will end in the best way. Once you learn that difficulties, difficult moments exist for a reason, you see situations in a different way, you face all kinds of circumstances with maturity. There is no need for conflict, it is simply enough to act with diplomacy, empathy and clarify how you feel, make your points clear. Currently, I prefer to cry, scream, vent in every possible way, drain my feelings and then think clearly, impulsiveness did not lead me to any good way, and although sometimes, it helped me, now I know it is not necessary in my day to day life.
I will not deny that there is a certain part of me that I learned during my toxic relationships. To keep insisting, to turn unnecessary issues around, to give importance to the problem when it is not necessary. I am still learning to deal with everything in a positive way, healing, we all know that healing does not happen overnight, we all heal in different ways and that is okay. My way of healing is by choosing me first, choosing my peace, choosing emotional stability and believe me, once you achieve it, there is no turning back, because you feel mature enough and capable of achieving everything that comes your way in life.
It is a relief to be able to let go of what I have already let go of, what a peace it is to no longer miss what I have already forgotten. Life is wonderful when you choose yourself. One day you will realize that you didn't lose anything. That things had to happen this way for you to understand some things in life. That nothing stands still and everything flows in its own way. And that just as some things go, others come. It's all a matter of time.