I know I emphasize a lot here on my blog about how honesty and truthfulness are some of the most necessary qualities to lead a healthy and happy life, regardless of your career or relationship status.

But there are some things that people misunderstand about honesty. The way I see it, how you choose your words to present your honest opinion, is just as important as being honest in the first place.

I know this might be a little hard to understand for some people but hear me out, because even if you are being honest with somebody, you can still unknowingly hurt them if the way you expressed your honesty was not planned.

Honesty As An Excuse

I'll start with an example to better explain you what I'm trying to say here.

Have you ever had someone tell you something really rude or insulting right in front of many people? Me too. It sucks, doesn't it? Even if the person might be telling the truth, there was absolutely no need for them to do it in public and let that bad thing about you be known to everyone.

The better way to be honest in this situation would be that the other person called you aside and then told you what they wanted to say and that too with properly chosen words, instead of making a scene in front of people that will be used to make fun of you later.

Honesty should not be used as an excuse to treat people like shit. You can't just tell a person something really rude and hide it under the disguise of being honest. It doesn't work like that.

Another quick example,

"Your face is ugly and that's why she doesn't wanna date you" is so much worse than "maybe she prefers physical qualities more than emotional ones."

With the second statement, you are giving the other person reassurance and encouragement, while with the first, you are making them feel like they are at fault for not being physically attractive enough.

Speak Your Mind, But Not Always

It's true that speaking your mind has some serious benefits. It makes you vulnerable, sure, but it also opens up possibilities of greater levels of compassion, belonging, understanding, and love.

However, there's a catch. If what you are thinking of is something completely and involuntarily random and could potentially harm the other person's self-image or integrity, then it's better to not put those thoughts to words.

We all have some really bizarre thoughts from time to time and some of them may contain things about other people that are not appropriate, maybe even weird or scary to be said out loud.

For example,

Have you ever sat with someone on a really high altitude and thought that you could totally push them off if you wanted to? Yeah, you're not crazy if you have. Like I said, these are just thoughts and they don't necessarily need to be said.

You wouldn't say to your friend, "Dude, I could totally push you right now to your death and you won't be able to do anything about it lol," would you? Of course you wouldn't, because it's not something you would ever want to do and that's why you don't need to be honest about it either.

I explained in one of my previous articles how honesty is only appreciated when it is expected. Not revealing our weird thoughts doesn't mean we're not honest. It just means that we think before we speak, and frankly, no one wants to hear every single one of our thoughts.

Honesty should be expressed when you are going to act accordingly with what you said, not when it's not needed. Now, obviously, we can't always be mindful of what we speak. Some things are just bound to slip out. Still, how we use honesty to converse with others, makes the real difference.

Related articles:

Continue reading:

Why Honesty Is Not Always The Best Policy - When And When Not To Be Honest

Honesty As An Excuse

Speak Your Mind, But Not Always

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