I was returning to home after visiting her, it was also a nice weekend. It all seems like a moment that don't have the length of a second. I was in the train and the evening light was filled in the train. It made me feeel like I'm in some kind of instagram filter world, that golden glow spread some divinity to the moment.
I went to wash my face, it felt sticky. Maybe because of the sweat, It was a very hot day and the whole afternoon I were running around the town. My face is also glowing, I stared at the mirror for some more time. I am not that much comfortable at staring at my own face in the mirror for long time, but this time I was kind of liking it. It's the light. While returning to my seat, I saw that girl in that cabin. The two seats near her were empty, so she didnt move more near to the window. She was combing her hair, in a different way. I haven't seen someone doing it in a more cool way like this. She isn't minding anyone in that cabin, she was just doing it like if she was at home. Those were very dry , but it was beautiful. Then I went into my seat, when I was getting out of the train, I looked at her again, she woirking on something in a laptop, just like in a way if you are at home.
I even hesitate to have a soft drink if someone is sitting next to me, maybe all these are my problem. The world is not filled with people like me, anyway it was kind of attractive.
Anyway this is the point most of the relationship starts, an attraction towards something in someone. Sometimes it won't last enough to see where it will end up. Nowadays the word attraction is buried deep inside, nobody says that word out loud. Being attracted to something is now a bad quality to have, they call it by a lie now , Love. We are falling in love with a stranger for an attractive look or a few attractive characterstics.
Truth to be told I don't clearly know what Love is...
There are moments in life where we know the truth and still live with the lie for the comfort. The lie seems to be giving more peace and unsderstanding to the mind. Sometimes that lie is something that our whole life depends upon, if we try to accept the reality the whole life may seem to be without a meaning. The lie which was hard for me to cop with is Love. Even when I say "I love you", to my beloved, I feel some kind of guilt. I feel like I'm lying, I'm sexually attracted to her, I like her certain characters, I also like spending time with her. Are all these enough?.
At this moment I'm only getting very short time to spend with her, What will happen at the time we start to live together. Am I gonna feel this "Love" thing forever. It's easy to say "yes" now, but I think the reality is going to be different than all these illusions.
I don't know anything, alll these are just my stupid brain trying some experiments. I searched for a good answer for what **"Love" **is , As I go deeper the answers I'm getting are very depressing. They are not like those happy romantic quotes in movies and poetry, those are just some realities. The one that really stucked with me is a quote from a nihilist in an american sitcom,
" What people calls "love" is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, then it slowly fades..."