Low self-esteem is the feeling of having low confidence or a lack of confidence mixed with feelings of unworthiness, incompetence and worthlessness.
I bet you that is not a good state of the mind neither is it healthy. People with low self-esteem often become easy targets to bullies. They feel worthless and not good enough even when they're doing their very best.
I can personally relate to this cos there was a point in my life when I suffered from this mental disease. Yeah, low self-esteem is an unhealthy state of the mind often caused by factors like family backgrounds, negative parenting styles, emotional abuse from loved ones, poor academic performance and a lot more.
Statistics have shown that the major leading factor of ow self- esteem comes from the home. This relates to how parents or guardians raise their kids or wards. ”Do you talk down to your child for every slightest mistake?” ”Do you as a mom,dad, uncle or aunt in charge of a child emotionally abuse that child under your care by telling them that they won't amount to anything?”
If your answers to both questions above is a yes, then I'm pretty sure that your child might be suffering from low self-esteem.
I recall watching a movie where a mom was emotionally abusing her son because she got pregnant out of wedlock and the child's father abandoned her and the baby. To crown it all, she was disowned by her own family and sent packing out of her father's house.
She suffered alone with little to eat during pregnancy and childbirth was also difficult. She could no longer continue her education and she hated the child. For this, she neglected the boy and whenever this little boy came to seek motherly attention, affection and care, she would scream hateful words at him. She went far to tell this little boy that he ruined her life. That boy grew up not understanding a mother's love. He hated women generally and he suffered from low self-esteem.
The above story is a clear example of how one can become a victim of low self-esteem. No one is born with it. It is a trait that is developed over time but its consequences are lasting if necessary help is not gotten.
Like I mentioned earlier, I suffered from low self-esteem and my case was due to the environment. I grew up in what you would call ”a slum”. Virtually everyone never amounted to anything significant but I knew deep down that I was meant for great things but at that young age, I could not process anything. So I lived like that that for a few years until I discovered what was wrong and got the help I needed.
People with low self-esteem find it hard to relate with their peers. They also find it hard to accept criticism and they are also socially withdrawn. Most times, this behaviour is mistaken for introvertedness but it's not.
Overcoming low self-esteem
One major key to overcoming low self-esteem is to fight hard. I'm not talking about using the fists or punching anyone. The fight I am referring to is the battle of the mind. The mind is a battlefield where all sorts of thoughts vie for entrance.
There is need to realize that one will not go far with a low self-esteem mentality and so the need to fight hard. You intentionally battle those negatives with positives. At first, you might not see any improvement but keep at it and before long you will begin to see good changes.
Reading good mentoring books can help as well. I remember reading a book titled The power of positive thinking by Norman Vincent Peale. That book was a powerful game changer for me. I read and re-read that book until I could feel it sinking in.
The next thing I did was to cut off from every negative circle. Those so called friends who look down on me because of their affluent backgrounds were cut off. I learnt to attach to people with a vision driven mindset instead. I still do that till date. Once I get a whiff of someone trying to put me down, that's a red flag I don't ignore. I'll do my best to minimize my association to such a person.
Lastly, I understood that even though I grew up in the slum, I didn't belong there. My background could not keep me on the ground and I knew that I could make a change. This shift in understanding works like magic. It helps you see the bigger picture rather than a short term picture.
These were some practical steps I took in overcoming low self-esteem. Today when people tell me ”wow, I love your confidence”. I smile knowingly to myself cos they don't know what I had to go through to become the confident me that they now see.
Thank you all for reading. This is my entry to the #februaryinleo initiative for day2.
Images used are mine.