Access to the child as a weekend father - how can I do that?

Seizures and divorces seem to make everything seem out of joint. Everything that once existed and was self-evident, changes almost abruptly. This especially affects fathers, mothers and children. In most cases, after a break-up, as a father, you move into a flat of your own and the child stays with your mother. Contrary regulations are rather rare, although of course they exist. The most common agreement is that fathers see their children every 14 days. But is not this a laboratory situation that can not really go "normally"?

The role as a weekend dad is completely different from the one you used to exercise. Everyday life, participation in things big and small, spontaneous feelings and activities, all that falls away when you're a weekend dad - that's the nature of things. But that does not have to mean that in the intervening time period between the weekends, you do not immerse yourself in what your child is doing. However, the design of the weekend is important.

Children need rituals

Whether as a father for every day or as a weekend father, your child needs rituals. They bring security and reliability. Therefore, you should start with the first weekends. For you and for your child, the situation is equally new, both must first orientate themselves. It can be helpful if you already take familiar things:

• In the past, did you regularly play games somewhere or did you undertake joint ventures especially for father and child? Then continue this, for your child this is familiar, it notices that even as a weekend father you can still do the things that you used to do with him.

• Create a home climate. The best course is a private room for your child. But if that does not work, you'll be working around a corner that's just for your offspring. There can also be games or handicrafts that are not finished yet.

• Combine everyday life and the special. For example, you can have breakfast with your child on a regular basis, one that is extra large or that has delicious items on the breakfast table. At the same time, you can use this situation to talk about everyday life. Things that were important on the days of Monday through Friday. You will experience informally and in a pleasant atmosphere something of your child, without having to call the everyday life artificially.

The role of the ex-wife

Most problems occur when the former relationship is still suffering from injuries. This of course applies to both sides, but is something that can also influence the design of the weekend. If your ex-wife puts a lot of obstacles in your path, it can be hard to spend a nice weekend with the child. Suddenly, the ex-partner remembers that just on Father-Child weekend, a children's birthday takes place, on the offspring should. Or a spontaneous trip ensures that you have to spend the weekend as a weekend father alone. Most such obstacles are only designed to fight grave struggles elsewhere.

You have to openly ask yourself to what extent you too have shares in these old conflicts. Either way - you need to solve this problem as quickly as possible, together with your former partner. Otherwise it will be difficult to organize regular and harmonious weekends.

Be reliable

It's the other way around too. It is quite possible for you to influence how well or less well your life works as a weekend dad. Especially if you rarely see your child, it can happen that you just feel like making a visit in between times. However, you must not forget that it is now your everyday life and that of your ex-wife with the child. That does not necessarily have to coincide. Your spontaneous idea may initially be happy for your child. But if it causes the domestic rituals of your former partner to break apart, quarrels are inevitable.

Consequences are also pre-programmed, if you have to cancel as a weekend father at short notice. The reasons may still be so important, in case of doubt you should not cancel a weekend with your child if possible. Even if the weekend is already ritualized and is an integral part of your child, a cancellation on your part has a negative effect. In addition, the period between the next visit is unusually long.

Normality is possible

Even if you see your child only every two weeks, it can still come to a normal. Nevertheless, the weekends can and should be something very special. It's about finding a balance between a feeling with a nuance holiday feeling and two normal days spent with your child. Children do not always need something very special or spectacular. You need a secure feeling without feeling torn. If you succeed - preferably together with the ex-partner - then the role as a weekend father is not so difficult. And in the best case, you are also welcome to spontaneous visits.