Reflecting on the negative consequences of screaming with our children will help us control and manage our impulses. Analyzing where this behavior comes from and what it does in the family circle is the key to change once and for all.
We all know the importance of educating our children with respect. In addition, there are many resources and tools that we can use to not punish or shout at them. However, at times when we feel overburdened, we may have the urge to shout with our children. These situations make us feel guilty, bad parents and frustrated.
However, some parents do not realize the negative consequences that this type of behavior can result. In this article, we are going to talk about two dangerous consequences for the development of children in adult life.
The person who shouts is not always right. "-Alejandro Casona-
- Shouting with our children can affect their self-esteem
The screams convey a message of little patience and tolerance. When we get desperate for something, we tend to raise our tone of voice and ask for things by shouting. However, shouting with our children can pass the message that they are doing something wrong. In this way, even if we pretend that they obey us, they will feel that they do not correspond to our expectations.
When the situation is constant, we transmit the wrong idea to the children. They can believe that, no matter what they do, they will not do well. That we are never satisfied and that they can not do anything to make us happy. The feeling of "not doing things right" and deserving the screams will probably accompany our children for a lifetime.
The foundations of our children's self-esteem come from outside. Your reference figures, with love and approval, should make them feel that they are capable people. This does not mean that we have to give them false confidence. Sometimes, they have to be frustrated. However, it is important that our expectations are in line with your age and knowledge. Above all, we need to perceive that our children are not perfect.
"All the men who do not have anything important to say speak to the screams".
- Enrique Jardiel Poncela-
** Being understanding with our children **
It is very common, for example, to shout with our children in the morning when we are in a hurry to take them to school. However, we can not expect children to do their homework as quickly as we do. Their speed will depend on their age and their degree of autonomy; maybe we have to give them some help to get there on time.
If we give you little time, or we ask for something above your skill level, it is normal that you can not complete your tasks. Then, we end up shouting, making them feel that they can not do anything. The message that children receive in these situations is that we do not love them because we consider them incapable.
We need to remember that our mission is to help them until they become more autonomous. Therefore, we encourage a real car. Over time, this can make our children act in the right way: by respecting parents, collaborating at home or arranging their room. However, they will not do it out of fear. Their actions will come from the understanding of their role and the belief that they are capable of doing things for themselves.
"When we discuss a question, the reason is not with who else shouts, but with who is able to expose their arguments appropriately." - Fernando Savater-
- Shouting teaches them to deal wrongly with their emotions
We must be the example of our children. When we constantly scream and lose patience, it shows that there are situations that overwhelm us. The message we convey is that we are not able to control ourselves. Children learn that screaming is an appropriate response to stress. They absorb this way of acting and tend to imitate it in the future.
"In what could become a life that begins between the cries of the mother and the crying child who receives them?" -Baltazar Gracián-
Therefore, it is our responsibility to learn to deal with our emotions. Even if we feel fear, tiredness or anger, we have to control ourselves before the little ones. Shouting with our children because of the stress we experience only teaches them that anger is a sufficient motivation to treat other people badly.
They are not to blame for feeling annoyed or anguished in our day to day situations. As difficult as it is, it is important to encourage them to explore and discover who they really are. Our role is to accompany them in their adventures while we face our anguish. We have to discover where our negative emotions come from.
Maybe we want them to behave as we would like, and not as they really are. Maybe we are very afraid that they will suffer or be hurt. However, shouting at our children to protect them and channel their actions is not usually a good idea. It is better to believe that things are going to work out because they are capable of taking care of themselves.
Here we discover two of the most negative effects of screaming with our children. It is the duty of parents to learn to control their emotions, because this behavior is very harmful to the development of children. They can also learn more effective ways to solve problems and conflicts.
If you already shouted with your children, you do not have to be punished for that. Nobody is perfect; the important thing is that, now that you know the serious consequences that this way of acting can bring, decide to change.