Days after I returned home from an absolutely amazing trip to Krakow Poland for SteemFest 3, I was shocked by the news that my sister in law Liz had passed away. She had been sick for some time and things just caught up to her. Of course that was a brutal time, but I found myself slightly distracted from the usually ritual of mourning that comes when a loved one passes. I found myself filled with genuine concern for my brother Pat.
Ya see, Pat and I were never super close despite sharing a bedroom growing up. I was a cry baby tattletale towards him and my sisters when they were all teenagers. I would sneak in on them drinking and partying in the garage and rat them out to my parents like a little piece of shit. In fairness I was also like 9 years old and they tormented me on the regular...but I’m not making excuses. I was the odd man out and it was safe to say that growing up, him and I weren’t super close.
As we all grew up a bit and I became less of a punchable crybaby, I think he hated me slightly less but we still never had that close relationship that I wish we had. He moved out, I moved across the country. We had different interests and our lives took different paths. It’s just the way things go in life. But as we both got older, we ended up getting along a lot more. We still weren’t “close”, but we ended up having fun whenever we got together which was usually a family get together of some sort.
I always kinda pinned the fact that we didn’t have that brotherly relationship on him...as if it were his fault. But I realized recently that it was both of us. Neither of us really tried hard to be involved. In fairness we have invited him to family things throughout the years...some of which he came to and some of which he ignored or bailed on. But I never just called him up to see if he could hang. I should have. He’s my brother and despite all of our differences, I do love him and enjoy our time together. We actually laugh a lot about stupid shit.
Anyway, after Liz passed it was apparent and understandable that Pat was in a dark place. But for the first time ever I felt extremely concerned for him. I struggle with my own demons and depression and have been in low places surrounded by darkness. I know what can rage through ones head when vulnerable and feeling alone....and that’s where Pat was. Alone. Scared. Angry. Vulnerable. Confused. Sad.
Inside your own head is a horrific place to be in when you are surrounded by those emotions. It can consume you and you can get lost. At least I’ve been there. I can’t speak for you guys. But I know that I just wished I could ease his pain. When I first spoke to him after finding out the horrific news, hearing him break down simply broke me. Here I was, the younger brother and I had no idea how to help ease his broken heart. I just wanted him to be “ok”...whatever that even means in a time like this.
I did try. Probably not as much as I should have but I did try. I asked several times if he wanted me to come up and he shot me down each time. I invited him to our house for Christmas but he went elsewhere. It just seemed like he didn’t want me there. I didn’t take it personally...the dude just lost the love of his life. I’d be fucked too. That’s why I was surprised to get a call from him one day asking if I wanted to go see Creed 2 with him. He told me that him and Liz loved the first one and they wanted to go see the sequel when it came out. Sadly that never happened. Of course I was thrilled and shocked that he asked me. It sadly didn’t happen though. I reached out a couple of times to try to put it together but it never materialized. I probably should have just drove to his house and forced him to hang, but I didn’t...and that’s on me. I failed that part of the test.
Regardless, I am happy to say that my concern for him has now turned to hope. This past weekend he threw a surprise party for his and Liz’s 14 year old son, Henry. It went well and Henry was totally taken by surprise. Seeing Pat break down when Henry had that “deer in headlights” look of shock and awe made me weirdly warm and fuzzy inside. That along with him excited about straightening out a personal situation that’s been a burden on himself for quite some time, has made me feel as though he’s taken a turn for the better.
He seemed genuinely grateful for his family being there at the party. What he didn’t realize early on but seems to be recognizing recently is that we’ve always been here. We probably could have all put forth more effort with each other but we have always been right here. I think he’s seeing that now. He actually made some really nice comments to me regarding my dad and one of my sisters saying how he realizes how much he enjoys being around them. Not sure he’s ever come to that conclusion before. At least he’s never publicly acknowledged it to me. What’s important is it shows growth.
I even got a call from him the next day to thank me for coming and just to chat for a few. I felt bad as I was working and of course there were stupid customers asking stupid questions right as he called, but I appreciated him reaching out. I’m going to call him tomorrow as I’m trying to plan something for this weekend for both of our sons. Hope it pans out.
It’s going to be a long road of soul searching and healing for Pat. There will be painful bumps along the way, but I’m hopeful that he will forge ahead and triumph over the darkness. I need to try to be more assertive in my relationship with him. I just need to be his brother. I hope in turn that he opens up to us more. Let’s down that wall and guard that he’s been shielding himself with for as long as I can remember.
I wish it didn’t take a horrible tragedy for us to grow closer and for him to open up more, but life works in mysterious ways. I’m hopeful for my brother. I think he will be ok. I believe he can rise above this and learn to cope in a way that allows him to lead a fruitful and fulfilling life. Just know I’m proud of you brother...for whatever that’s worth.
Rest well Liz.
&
Kick life’s ass Pat.
Blewitt