The quickest and most efficient way to solve your toxic relationships problem is to stop telling a victim story.
"How they 'make' me feel," "They 'take' my power away. ""They 'steal' my energy."
These are all things you have control over.
Toxic relationships take on many forms from the parent who gives you money and thus feels they can control every aspect of your life to the mate with whom you have a child or the boss without whom you couldn't have a paycheck.
You can never not be in control of your own life. Or your own energy.
The bottom line is, you always have control over every aspect of your life, and it can never be otherwise.
YOU have control over how you feel when your partner screams at you.
You do not have control over your partner screaming at you. (I believe we evoke behaviors from other people via the law of attraction, but I won't even go there now. Let's keep it simple. We'll cover that later.) But you do have control over how you react. And you have control over how you feel. Are you going to spiral down into feelings of misery and victimhood, or are you going to self soothe and talk yourself up so that you can find a solution?
See, there's nothing more dangerous than victimhood.
And another person can never be responsible for your feelings of victimhood. There. I said it.
There are some mean mother f'ers out there. There are people who are absolutely tormented. But unlike everybody else I'm not going to pity you for having to be around them. Because it's JUST not helpful. In fact it's dangerous, and to do so would spit in the face of your power.
You always have power.
You can tell the story that you don't have power, but no one else has control over your own life, and no one else can control your emotions, and no one else can make you stay, and no one else can make you feel powerless or take your power away.
You can give your power away.
People who are in relationships with someone who's controlling have an unspoken agreement: life is too big and scary, and I want to give it over to you.
And no one is more scared than people who are controlling. So if you think that you're powerless and your controlling toxic person has all the power, you couldn't be more wrong. People who feel the need to control are scared. Life seems so scary and out of control that they feel they must dominate.
They may be afraid that you'll abandon them. Or they may have a severe lack mentality and feel that they must control every cent. Or they may fear that a big bad disease will get them, so they must wash their hands incessantly throughout the day. It's all the same.
Fear is powerlessness. You probably feel fearful of your toxic person, and your toxic person is fearful.
It's been said that there are two emotions: love and fear.
Anyone who feels fear is temporarily pinched off from their power. Anyone who is in their natural state of love is connected to their power. In fact, they're connected to their infinite power, their infinite selves which is always guiding, guiding, guiding, showing you the way.
So, when you allow your natural state of love, you are allowing guidance. If that's too woo woo for you, think of it this way: if you feel despair, your mind is cloudy, and you're unable to make healthy, empowered decisions. When you feel fear or disgust or shame or despair, you're cut off from your power. And that's the dynamic of the toxic relationship. Two people in fear. The more toxicity, the more fear. Re-align yourself to your natural state of love, and the relationship changes, or the relationship is no longer relevant.
How the hell do you do that?!
Self soothing. Taking it easy. Talking yourself up. Always talking yourself up. This is the emotional guidance scale.
At the very bottom is despair and shame and feelings of powerlessness and victimhood. Talk yourself up. Tell yourself things that feel better. Reach for a better feeling thought. Set the intention. The intention alone is extremely powerful. Setting the intention to take your power back is powerful.
The key component to your toxic relationship is you. More precisely, the key component to your toxic relationship is your feelings of despair an powerlessness and fear.
You can't feel love and joy overnight. Your victim story has a lot of momentum. But it takes a lot less time than you think. It's simply retraining yourself. You likely got the idea that you were powerless as a child. But fortunately it doesn't take the years that you've been feeling powerless to reverse it and feel powerful. Our minds are extremely malleable and adaptable. And love is your natural state. When you decide to return and allow that natural state and you stop telling stories that negate your power, you will float right back into your power which is your natural state. It does take diligence. It's a simple process, but it takes being on top of your thoughts and being unwilling to be a victim any longer. It's time to live in your absolute power which is your birthright. It's time to stop telling the story that someone can take that away from you and has control over how you feel or any aspect of your life for that matter.
Also in this toxic relationships series: Allow People to Change
I just started a facebook page on the topic of Toxic Relationships and You. Feel free to like the page so that you can grow along with this. Because I'm going to cover toxic relationships in a way that nobody has before.