This is very common in my country, a guy will be performing the duty of a husband for a lady who tells him that she is not his until he puts a finger on her ring.
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I have a friend who loves and cherishes his baby but he was worried because the girl never cooked for him, her excuse was that she is not yet his wife so he can't force her to do the cooking and she even put him on a condition that if he wants her to cook then he must also be in the kitchen with her.
I found it so ridiculous when he was explaining to me, it was obvious he was not okay with it as well but he was confused about what to do and I could sense he did not want to break up with the girl, one thing I would never do is tell someone in love what to do, the best I can do for him is tell him stuff and he gets to decide on his own.
I told him, if she can't cook for you now, what is the assurance she would do it when you get married, how will you know if she can even cook, cooking is like a hobby to some ladies, they don't see it as a duty, they just love cooking and hear people praise them for their delicacies, so if your girl is not willing to cook or hate cooking now, she might get used to it when you get married and that would be a bigger problem. I believe my words ring a bell in his ear and the decision is up to him.
Ladies would come out boldly to tell the person they are dating that he doesn't have control over their life, he can't tell them what to do or not, they are right in a way, assuming the guy is not the one feeding and taking care of their responsibilities, yes he does not have that right on them, but the guy spends more than their father spent on them, in fact, most of the ladies, it is their boyfriend that cater for their needs and every other thing, so for someone who is already performing the role of a father and husband in your life, doesn't he deserve to get a wife role from you too? but they start calling names.
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In a relationship, some things should be termed normal and not controlling as some people see it.
Besties: Why on Earth would you have a guy bestie when you are in a relationship, cut the crap that he is just a friend, there is no close friendship void of emotions between two opposite gender, either one of them is crushing on the other or both have feelings for each other. So it is a disrespect to you man if you are keeping any guy friends closer to you than him.... Boundaries should be maintained.
Duty: Why are we dating if you can't help me? I have a girlfriend but she said she can't cook for me until we are married, whenever she needs money, she asks me first even though her father is still alive if you don't want to perform the duty of a wife then don't make him perform the duty of a husband, and I mean he won't be responsible for your needs, you can both date to know each other without any one of you overdoing things.
Respect: If you tell a girl not to do something and she sees it as you trying to control her, it is a red flag and you don't want to get married to such a person, a good girl won't see your words as command and would respect your words, for example, you tell your girl not to attend a party but she gives you a middle finger and said you don't have the right to tell her where to go, just imagine if she doesn't respect you when you are dating, what is the assurance she will when you are married.
Wake up brothers, do not let them gaslight you with we are not yet married, A lady that wants a future with you will do what you want willingly without you telling her...
Just call me Burl.
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