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I am always self-conscious sharing my writing and telling people that I actually write just because I chose to believe that success as a writer depends on your fame as a writer. Did I say chose? Nah, more like I was led to believe.
That believe sucked the writing juice out of me, and it led me to dry myself of creativeness, inspiration and motivation to write. That believe locked me in prison with walls telling me that I was never going to be good enough, and so, I might as well forget about writing.
So I stayed in that cell, alone, sad and jealous of other creators. I subconsciously believed I was never going to be like those creators who are strong, confident and brave to say whatever they want to say in their arts and leave without caring too much about the response of people.
The world of jealousy is a dark and filthy place to be, but I love that I found myself there because it motivated me to rise. It was like hitting the bottom of a rock, and I was glad I did because the very moment I hit the bottom of the rock, I knew I wanted to rise, and so I had to figure out what drowned me in the first place.
It is funny now to look back and see how our thought, our belief, our conversation and our word can destroy us or lift us and change our whole lives completely. When I realized that the single piece of belief I had, was the reason of all this chaos that affected me in my creative journey, it became a turning point for me. That was the hidden subconscious rock that drowned and vowed to keep me there. Now I am free.
I have realized that writing was too important for me to give up on and too precious for me to let go of.
Art is not something you profit from. It is not for sale neither a means to pursue this and that. ART IS THE END! ART IS THE DREAM!
Art is not a competition either. Competition is for horses, not artists. Art should not be about the fame and fortune it should be about the story it tells, it should be about escaping this cruel and cold world, it should be about letting loose and run wild with our imagination and soul, it should be about surviving life, it should be about creating a safe space. Art is a therapy and Art is LOVE.
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I have however, decided to let my writing be all about that and let it wash away the dust from my soul in every day of my life. Now I write for a cause not for applause, I write to express not to impress anyone or any soul. And so far I am thriving for the relief it brings me rather than striving to make my presence noticed.
This is just me putting my heart out here about the struggles I have had as a writer. I feel like it is important for me to talk about it because who knows, it might dust off and pick up someone who in one way or the other is experiencing creative misery. Hope this would be an inspiration to them.
Thanks for visiting my blog. Stay safe and remain blessed.