I’m not sure why I’m writing this post because it’s obvious I’m not married. However, the prompt gives an opportunity for even people who are not married to write about their experiences with couples and on what they know so far about marriage.
I’m not going to lie, I don’t know much. But I know what I think I know and that’s what I’ll be telling you.
Everyone that talks about marriage, mentions that it’s built on love, among other things. I 100% agree. There can be no happy marriage without love. I’m hammering on happy because if we’re talking about marriages in general, even people who are suffering in their marriages are still married, so that qualifies. But to enjoy a marriage, I believe both partners must love each other.
You hear things like “you can learn to love them” or “love grows on you” and you begin to wonder. Personally, I don’t believe in the concept of “building love” and I think it’s an excuse that people who want to justify their getting married for reasons other than marriage use. You either love someone or you don’t. Plus, you don’t want to experiment with things like marriage. Get married and build the love? Lol right. What if the building isn’t building? What then?
These are the situations that lead to the cases of wives poisoning their husbands or husbands assaulting their wives - because there’s no fundamental basis of their marriage.
I watched my parents in their marriage growing up and it’s taught me a few things. One of the biggest things I’ve learnt from their marriage is the virtue of patience and forgiveness. Both partners have to be patient, but as the man of the house, my dad had to show extra patience. That’s kinda what happens when you’re married to 3 women. Lesson of my life.
The thing that most people forget is that once you get married, to an extent, you stop having a “personal life”. It’s about the family from that point. Yourself, your partner and your kids. Some people don’t factor in their partner when they’re thinking of getting married, but most forget of the kids because there are no kids at that time. But there will be in the future (if you plan to have any).
My family is a very big family. I have about 21 siblings and the 21 of us have 5 mothers in total.
My big brother is the one with the beard(obviously). His som is to his left and the kid he’s looking at is his kid brother. Crazy!
One thing I learnt watching how we were raised is that it’s better to have a small family. This is especially true if you don’t have a good financial standing. Maybe you don’t care about yourself, but if you think about your wi(fe)ves and kids, you’ll see that it’s for the good of all that you marry one and have fewer kids. This prevents stress both from yourself and on your family.
A lot of people say marriage is not a bed of roses, but I’ve seen what that means first hand, even though I haven’t been married. I’ve seen some very heated arguments happen from since I was a child in my house. In extreme cases, there were even threats of divorce and all. But what could I do? I was a child. I only experienced what was in my environment.
I lived in an extended family house growing up and it was always one thing or the other. An uncle and his wife, or sometimes even my dad and my step mothers or my mother herself. But at the end of the day, they found ways to settle their differences and move forward as a family.
Anyone can slap their hands on a desk and get married anytime. But wen divorce? Because that’s definitely around the corner.
Being ready for marriage in my opinion involves a lot. There needs to be introspection from both partners to assess whether they’re ready for this crucial step. The first part is about yourself. Are you ready yourself? Do you have enough love (for even yourself) to give someone else? Are you mentally, physically, emotionally and financially prepared? You have to be ready because once you get married, you’ll be tested even if you ARE ready. So imagine if you’re not.
The other party (your partner) needs to be ready too. Are they ready to start a family? Are they patient, open-minded, can they communicate?
Despite all of the things I’ve said, I still think marriage is a great step to take for your future. Nothing good comes easy. I still think marriage is a beautiful thing and I encourage people to get hitched when they’re ready for it. I’m not just encouraging people to get married, but I want them to do it when they know that they’re ready.
Forever is a very long time to live a life of misery, so marry now or take 50 years if you have to but you’ll be damned if you don’t get it right.
All images in this post were taken by me