Been Here Before (LOH 190)

I have a new mantra, ‘it’ll pass. I have been here before’. This comes so naturally when I find myself in a difficult situation. I have left the mindset of ‘why me’ and trained myself to see the positives in every of these difficult times. A quote I came across said something about how a good captain is made from storms. I thought about it quite a lot. A person with a reputation for being capable does not just get it. They earn it by constantly proving themselves under a lot of pressure. So, whenever I encounter things that make me take a step back, I inwardly chant, ‘hold on. It will pass. You’ve been here before.’

A first time for everything...

Last year, I got a job. It was nothing like I have done before and it always kept me on my toes. The first set of tasks I got threw me into a frantic phase. I was anxious, nervous and scared because I knew almost nothing of how to begin with the duties assigned to me. However, my bosses were so sure that I could deliver. My good friend, Edward, was so sure of it too. Still, I was a blubbering mess.

After nearly puking my guts out, I went to Edward who like always had insight to what most did not. First, knowing my person and how I could get overwhelmed easily, he suggested that we break the tasks into little bits. A list of ten and we broke into four categories. Daily, I focused on something and in two weeks, I did about 80% to the best of my knowledge.

Fast forward and more things like this kept popping up. I think back and realize that I still had a lot to learn in the Corporate world because I knew nothing about most things but was expected to deliver 100% most of the time. This unfortunately built some kind of resentment in me towards that job and soon, whatever passion I had was lost. It soon felt like I was just working for the money and that made it more painful to do. However, I would still wake up daily, make a list of things that need to be done and do it one-step at a time.

Fast forward again and I no longer have that job. The story begins from where I no longer receive a substantial amount of money monthly. I always knew that I would begin something later but I just did not know when. However, quitting the job forced me to take that step. Earning 100k monthly in a state where cost of living is affordable than most, Mom and I were very comfortable. I even started a skin care routine. Staying home all day was generous to my skin.

Not truly a loss...

It was not easy in the least switching from having it all to tamping it down. Wait… No. It was quite easy because I have already been living that life and I saw those few months as rewarding. Face forward, we could no longer afford certain things at home and while it made me sad, it fueled my fire. That was how we saw to the opening of DD. The universe was telling me to get off sulking and start doing and I received the message crystal clear.

Been a few months since the event where I lost a good paying job. These past months have been a rollercoaster of emotions but exciting nonetheless. DD tests me on every level and challenges me to bring out my inner beast. I have done things I never saw myself doing thanks to running this business. If I would say any last words about the job I had it would be that it came at the right time for this moment. When I think about it, it really came at the right time. With the move and all, I needed something to keep me afloat until we had a shop for the business. Something to lessen the pressure and that was exactly what that job did. Then it left when the time came to fulfil my destiny.

I used to blame myself for not working harder and not knowing enough but then I realized I was doing myself a great injustice. I gave my best and did what I could. I have apologized and forgiven myself. This is what it is now. I smile more and feel better despite how demanding my business is. Most of all, I am positive. So the next time I face another situation, I will chant, ‘hold on. It will pass. You’ve been here before.’