Why are there so many people who are lonely? Why is it so hard for people to make real connections when almost everyone wants to make real connections?
I pondered on this question the first time I read it on the LOH contest. For days. And the answer I came up with?
I don’t know.
How could I possibly?
Why are there many lonely people? Why is it hard to make real connections? I don’t think we have never asked ourselves why. I think we just don’t ponder on it because it just complicates all we know. That is me talking by the way.
A Choice...
Loneliness is never a choice. No one actively decides that they want to be lonely. Being lonely is totally different from being alone. One can decide they want to be alone and just get away from all the noisiness the world preaches. But being lonely? That is another ball game.
One can be in the midst of loved ones and still feel lonely. One can have the most loving partner and still feel lonely. One may grow up with the most attentive parents and still feel lonely. I guess this is the part where we talk about making the connections.
Building, Communicating, Trusting & Forgiving
Right before I felt at home with the two friends I have outside of Hive, we had to build it over something. A lot of communication, misunderstanding and most of all, trust. We had to crumble a lot of times and come back together to really stay strong. There had to be forgiveness and let me tell you, sometimes, I feel like we haven’t moved past a lot but we still choose each other at the end of the day.
Being lonely in a vast world is easy. But why do we feel lonely even around people who should mean so much to us? It could be that:
- Those people don’t think like you or haven’t really caught your visions. This means, they are either not up to your level or you need to start working on yourself.
2.There is no communication. We don’t feel heard or we lack empathy towards them. If we don’t feel heard, then something has to change. If we don’t listen, that is a problem too.
3.There is a lot of competition and strife. When we always feel the need to prove ourselves, we stand alone than we stand together.
Honestly, these situations are things I and my friends have experienced. Just some days ago, I really listened to them and discovered that they are not visionless, I was just caught up in my own world. That is bad. I was living in the past while they moved on and when they showed me to take me along, I felt relief like never before.
The Tough Wall...
Loneliness stems from many scenarios but the most prevalent is not being heard. When we feel like we don’t matter, that our opinions aren’t worth the time of day, we tend to withdraw and cave into ourselves. We end up pushing even those who care about us away because that is the only way we could protect ourselves.
This is not surprising. Other times people are just scared to step out of their shell. I was just telling Sammie the other day that I was scared of being rejected. I know I am building myself but I don’t have that thick skin yet. I am so sensitive and emotional that the littlest things get to me but you won’t know. I have a tough wall that protects that soft skin.
Nothing hurts like being rejected. Some might not be as tough to go through that over and over again. So, they clam up and live through it alone. They prefer being lonely than let down. These are the toughest people to get through. I like this girl, Rebecca, a lot, but my skin isn’t as thick as Dreemie’s was with Pen. I couldn’t deal with the emotional rollercoaster. I still think about her but I’m really scared to cross her DMs. She’s always short with me. So, that’s that.
This also happens with children. They seek their parents only to be shot down again and again. They seek attention and nothing hurts as much as being ignored. I know. Then they do what kids do and build a tough skin. Taking it all in stride. The kids I talk with show that to me everyday with the way their faces light up when I give them my full attention.
Haha. We made mac and cheese today. It was too sweet for me but they certainly enjoyed it. It was their first time and mine too.
I digress😐.
Conclusion...
So, I would say the main reason people are lonely and wouldn’t change is the fear of rejection and that fear is always backed up by experience. While another is the fear of getting hurt because they have been hurt before. Basically, we prefer to be lonely and live in the past than be ripped open and left to bleed.
There. That is what I think it is.
I invite 
