Last night, I decided to come down to the town to meet a group. The other guy from Couchsurfing wanted to book a Ferry ticket for him and his friends. Then there was another guy from the same platform looking for other tour activities. I agreed to meet up with them so I can take care of everything all together. Great, this app works better for my business than Tinder. But this means dealing with the last-minute type of travelers.
So, it turned out that I would be alone with someone. The other guy didn't come. The other friends went back to their hotel. Sure, I'm a big girl now and this should not be such a problem. Everything should be under my control. However, these days, I'd rather spend time with a group. I just don't want to make it look like a date if you know what I mean. It is mentally taxing!
I came down all the way from my place so I might as well just enjoy just for tonight. I forced myself to stick around. So, instead of sulking, I just gave myself the right amount of alcohol to give this night a chance instead of going home. Sure, I enjoy a conversation from time to time.
So, this guy who was supposed to book with me is from Portugal, and he is in the tourism business too. Interesting. He sure had something to say. I was ready to give his perspective a chance.
Though at some point, his ideas confused me a little bit. I don't know, maybe it must be the language. He could speak English well alright, I just didn't know if I was hearing it differently.
So he said, he studied tourism and for that, he thought he is qualified to point out the flaws of the island. And I acknowledged those, I know perfectly well the effects of unlimited welcoming of tourists or mass tourism. It is everywhere now, even in Portugal and Spain. It is probably worse here in this region because people are coming in cheap. He was basically telling me things that I already know, like putting a cap on daily tours and all. This is why I've established a travel agency promoting sustainable ecotourism in the first place. To be an example. Then, he started talking about protecting the nature and stuff, and all that typical 'holier than thou' talk.
Then somewhere in the middle of our conversation, he was telling me to 'think outside the box'. "Have you thought about how much those big boats earn in a day?" It's a lot of money. He even computed it in front of me. "So, you're all about PROFIT now," I told him. I'm pretty frank when I'm feeling tipsy. I can say whatever I want especially to a 24-hour friend. I don't really care.
And of course, he denied it. "You don't understand," he said. Then he started telling me about "Real Estate", and that land is a good investment. Does he really think I don't know about that by now? All I want in my life to buy a piece of dirt and live happily away from everyone else. No annoying neighbors and barking dogs. The guy was all into buying a land close to everything else because of massive profit. He said that once he finished his project in Portugal, he wants to live in this place too. Warm waters, friendly community and beautiful nature. And more opportunity for massive profit too. For all I know, he's yet another European imperialist, ha! This conversation was not going anywhere.
Now, do you see what I mean? I think his ideas are kind of conflicting. He was all into sustainability yet his eyes were glittering with the massive profit idea. We all know that it's hard to balance those stuff. Sure, there are probably companies out there who are greatly profiting while being sustainable too. Let me know? Because I still have a lot to learn. The world is a threat from my perspective. Sometimes, I don't trust business guys. They seem to have this hidden agenda all the time.
"You are so negative," he exclaimed. "I am realistic," I answered before I went to the toilet. Probably I am really. The only thing he said that I liked was "Nobody's perfect and neither you are. People will disappoint you..." I really agree with the latter.
At this point in my life, I've developed a good judgment of people. I can sense if someone is full of shit or not. I can be wrong, but most of the time, my instinct is right. My instinct had saved me from all sorts of danger when I was still on the road hitchhiking. So, I don't know this guy really well yet I have a feeling he is full of shit. Wasting my time or just another learning experience? Just another night in paradise maybe.
I think this whole thing turned into a disaster date. This is why I don't really come down to the town at night unless I'm with a group. Nostalgia hit me. I remember last year when I was volunteering in the Galapagos islands, I rarely come down to the town too. Different paradise, same Me. I met someone from the US when I went to a party with a co-volunteer. I only went there because my co-volunteer is a young Austrian girl who likes to party, and she forced me to get out of our host family's place. I'm such a granny you know.
I met up with the guy the next night because I knew that he happened to be with other friends too. A couple from the Czech Republic and a quiet English guy. After a nice conversation with everyone, the US guy became the pushy one, trying to make me like him or sleep with him. He left us eventually because he had an early flight back to the US the next day. Honestly, I liked the quiet guy more. In the end, I was talking to him more. I think he was pretty shy and probably, that's why I liked him more. We were joking about me staying in the 'lava tunnels' because my place was quite away from the town. It was actually close to the 'lava tunnels' of the Galapagos. Then we met a couple from the mainland Ecuador and we hang out with them until late. And the next day too, I was showing them around the Galapagos beach. The English guy allowed me to go home on my own peacefully. Now, this is how I like things to be. Can't I just have something like this again? My life with the male species seems to be a hit or miss. A year later, we still talk. And maybe, he will come down here too... or maybe not. Life goes on.
Back to reality, I was drunk enough to go to the next club to enjoy the night with everyone else, and before I retired to my dome of safety. It was already clear that I didn't like the Portugues guy okay. But then, there was a point that he was forcing me to kiss him. Like fuck, I was shocked. I even remember warning him that I will call the police. He stopped and attempted again. Someone just couldn't get it. I realize that he is really full of shit. I didn't come down to book their tickets the next morning. I don't need anything from him.
"You are so cold," he finally said. I can't remember how many times I've heard of this before. This is what men usually tell me when they are not getting it. Or maybe, I am cold. But, I don't need to be forced or manipulated in hopes of improving Me. I don't want to be accused of leading a man on, or friendzoning someone, or be told that I'm frigid. I don't want to hear yet another "I promise I will not do anything to you." I don't want my politeness to be mistaken for something else. I'm not going to fill in that exotic female male fantasy. I'm not also dumb enough to be a convenient tool for that neo-colonialistic agendas. I am not special but I am not the achievable kind alright. And I probably want the same from a man. I'll stay alone than be a game for a hearty winter stew. All or nothing. And I know, in my experience, that these men don't particularly like me. These fuckboys just want someone to fill in this void in their social ego for a night. I actually want those who are not losers in their countries to travel more.
I am confused and imperfect. I am an intricate human being. I think too much. And I make mistakes too. I probably just like those who don't like me, that's all. The saddest thing in this life. I told a close male friend once that I always attract massive jerks and chaos into my life. "BOREDOM!". He told me jokingly. "BOREDOM!" he mockingly repeated it to me like a child. And I hear it again and again in my head... "BOREDOM!" That pretty much sums it up.