Being me can actually be stressful sometimes. I mean my life can be quite easy, since most of the problems we face is because of human beings and I'm very good at avoiding that bunch. But how random people arrive at the fact that I'm a womanizer always beats me. What does that even mean? That I dip women in izal?
I can barely talk to a girl and you're calling me a womanizer. God knows I can't be party to adultery. Besides adultery has to incorporate three adults and I've never been in a threesome before.
I know I am a premium dark-skinned guy, bearded with pink lips (any guy without beards is a princess), and an ability to do push ups. And also I can do massage, especially for stressed career ladies. But that doesn't make me a womanizer.
Enough of me and my innocence, let's talk about this my guy who claims to be a dope rapper with such a tiny voice you could mistake him for an adolescent girl. Bro is always on about having flows upon flows, but every time he gets into a rap battle, he gets bodied like a little biatch. I guess when he talks about flows, he means menstruation as he sounds like a lady. Justice for my transgender buddy!
I mean it's not easy to be a rapper as you have to make sentences, trying to make sense of it, staying on the beat, while also trying to make rhymes of it. That's unless you're Lil Wayne and all you always talk about is bitches and pussy, or you're like that my buddy always running back to wrap round his mom's bossom. I mean a rapper is a wrapper, not minding how it's spelt.
And let's talk about these people who always complain about being body shamed when told how they actually look. I've heard a lot of fat people claiming they are "plum size". Lol, try plumbing them if you'll find a plumb line.
Besides the dictionary defines plum as "a round, juicy fruit that has red or purple skin, sweet yellow flesh, and a hard seed at the center". Perhaps they should be served as dessert. "Call them in after we've finished eating please"
Wait till you meet the slim ones with absolutely no flesh, walking round like broomstick with a head hanging around and swinging left and right like a pendulum. Tell them that they are skinny and they'll tell you that they're models. Model of what please? Of Satan's staff of destruction? Don't go and eat so you don't go missing on the bed when your husband needs you.
If you get married to this bunch, sorry is your surname because cold will kill you. The fat ones are even a little better, you can hide beside them when your debtors come calling and cold can never come close to you.
I've heard people ask me about the kind of wife I will eventually marry. Lol, goodluck thinking about that, me that my love language right now is fuel. There's no way I will be worrying about relationship when there's no fuel on the streets. And if I have a girlfriend somewhere (I've forgotten if I have one), she better start buying fuel because that's the only she can save the relationship.
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