Hey what's good steemiverse?
Today I did this vlog from my mobile, just to get in the groove of vlogging on the go. Who knows, I may even start to do 2 vlogs a day sometimes. The highly edited at night and the word power flow of inspiration in the day.
Today I wanna talk about none violet communication, YUP I didn't even remember that communication could be violent. LOL. Recently I've been involved in a life coach experiment ran by my friend Shevy Cardoza, she is doing life coaching and healing via messenger groups. I realize I like this kinda stuff as it gives me insight into the minds of others and also good content to talk about that no one else may be talking about on the block.
So what is violent communication?
It is communicating in a way that hurts others, but get this, it doesn't even have to do with direct talk about violence most of the time. Some of the things we do on a daily basis could be considered violent communication. Here are some examples:
- The silent treatment: This actually hurts people, not answering a message and leaving it as "read" .....WTF yup, this actually hurts people more than you know. Also when an argument occurs and instead of talking it out, you retreat into silence, it really fvks with the other person's mind. They start thinking all kinds of thoughts that may not be even close to the reason you gave the silent treatment.
- I told you so: I am guilt asf with this one. I will tell peeps I told you so in 50 different ways as a way to play around and joke but the truth is, it may really hurt some people and make them feel really ashamed.
- Unnecessary violent talk: You know when you tell that friend, " I am gonna stab you in the eye you dumb-ass." You know that kinda talk, though we may intend it to be a joke, actually makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Imagine being the victim of a stabbing from a family member? We know not what others have been through, be careful with those words.
So those were some examples, there are many more and you can google it if you wanna dive deeper.
Now let us look at non violent communication according Rosenberg
Non violent communication (NVC) entails communicating in a way that opens up the other person to be receptive to communicating because there isn't any criticism or shaming. This formula quickly sums up how it is done.
when you do X action, I feel Y because I value Z. ( Make a request)
So in the case of the silent treatment: The person giving the silent treatment could easily say. ( hypothetical argument scenario)
"When you shout at me it makes me feel disrespected and because I value respect in terms of receiving and giving it, I would like to request that you no longer shout at me when we are having an disagreement."
I get it, this all seems lame, it would be much easier to just communicate violently and don't make that person cross the line again. But Rosenberg's method is for the mature, intellectual that wants deeper, more fulfilling relationships. And by now we should know that good relationships are actually a HUGE part of happiness.
Now the person receiving the silent treatment, instead of sending a hurtful message our playing various mind fvk records of what could be the cause, they could instead send a message like this.
"When you withdrew from me in silence after our argument, many stressful thoughts ran through my mind because I truly value our relationship. I'd rather you not go into silence but just say what is on your mind respectfully."
Now imagine getting messages like this from someone? You couldn't help but wanna communicate on a more mature level. Keep in mind, I am no pro, I am learning this stuff as I go and teaching it as way to internalize it.
Thanks for reading and or viewing!
PS: At the end of the video I show some Japanese Hinamatsuri Dollls, consider it a bonus if you are into Japanese culture LOL!
PEACE OUT @dmilliz
To read more about Rosenberg, check here: https://www.slideshare.net/hajnali3/nonviolent-communicationalanguageoflifemarshallbrosenberg