He sat there on his favourite cushion we'd brought from home, unable to see us, but knowing us by touch, sound and smell. I felt his head push into my hand as if to encourage me to stroke it a little more, seeking reassurance, or maybe just the familiar touch of my hand in this unfamiliar place.
I stroked his head, my hand brushing Faith's whose own cupped his little head lovingly. He started purring; It had been a week since I'd heard him purr, and soon I would never hear him do so again.
I wanted to say something but I couldn't. I wanted to take him home, to hold him tight. Tears streamed down my face but the words wouldn't come so I bent down and kissed him on the top of his head. When I rose, it was time to send him on his way.
My wife sobbed loudly and began to cry in earnest. Why did this have to be so hard, I thought to myself.
The injection was administered and together Faith and I held Merlin in his last moments. Good boy, I managed to say as we held him in our hands...I felt him slipping away, his frail little body, once so strong and healthy, seemed to give in and slowly go limp. He sank into our hands and was gone...And my heart went with him.
Faith and I had our hearts broken last night when we lost one of the most important things we have ever had in our lives, our little boy Merlin. We are both distraught and feeling empty inside.
Last night was the final moments of a twenty two year journey together and whilst we know we made the right decision for him the sorrow and loss cuts deeply nonetheless.
Someone messaged me last night and told me the grief is the price we pay to have these wonderful little creatures in our lives, and he is right; It's a heavy price to pay of course, painful and enduring, but I would go through it a hundred times over in payment for the twenty two years we had with Merlin. We had the best time together and he was the best friend I could ask for; A more gentle, loving, funny little character you'll never find.
I lost my best friend last night and my heart breaks over and over.
I know life will go on; Faith and I have each other, the unconditional love from Cleo our nine year old and despite her seeming a little lost without Merlin, she needs us to love and care for her too. Life will go on, it will just be different now without Merlin here, the central figure of our little family.
My best mate Merlin is no longer where he once was; He is now everywhere we go, as we carry him in our hearts and memories.