Who was I in a past life and what did I do?

I’ve been many people, and a few animals too, but the one I’ll enlighten you with today is: A caveman.

So yeah, you probably heard of this thing called fire right? Well, I was the dude who made it up. (I didn’t get it patented in time to make a pile of money from it though unfortunately.)

So, there I was clubbing some poor sabre tooth tiger to death with a few of my mates with the view to rip into it raw with my cavemanish teeth. Once sufficiently clubbed I dragged it into my cave and was about to tuck in when boom I had an idea...Why don’t I cook it up!

Now, I didn’t have any means to do so, no microwave oven, and that made me mad. You ever seen a mad caveman? You don’t want to mess with a mad caveman with a club, trust me. I was throwing a tantrum to be honest, hitting things with my club, throwing rocks and banging them together when...Fucking hell, a spark happened! It flew off a couple of rocks and, just my luck, into my best mammoth fur cloak which proceeded to burn up to nothing. That made me more angry.

I didn’t have a fire extinguisher, because I was a cavemen and I hadn’t invented one yet, so I cast about looking for something to put the flames out hoping to save my coat; I was planning to go woo a cavegirl later and wanted to look my best and this fucking yellow, smoky hot thing was fucking up my chances. Anyway, I saw this lump of sabre tooth tiger flesh and decided it might put out the yellow hot thing...I threw it on and what the fuck? It started to cook. It smelled good too.

I flipped it over a few times then when the yellow hot thing died down I pulled it off to rest. It looked tasty and I ripped into it with gusto. Damn it tasted good!

Anyway, that was when I invented yellow hot thing. You’re welcome. Oh, by the way, I decided to call it fire because yellow hot thing didn’t seem to have much of a ring to it.

Anyway, that’s who I was and what I did in a past life. And...Yeah I managed to woo that cavegirl...Here’s a selfie I took that day I invented fire.