I'm reading my way through the Lord of The Rings trilogy at the moment and something that strikes me is the huge number of soliloquies. Monologues, as it were. Not long ones, not three page long moments, just a couple lines, very deep musings.
For example, as they left the Mines of Moria, Aragorn looked back and mournfully asked Gandalf something along the lines 'didn't I tell you not to go inside?'.
And it makes me wonder...who does that? I get the need, from the writer's perspective, they have to show us what the character is thinking and it's a good way to do it. Shakespeare did that a lot, too. A fuckton of soliloquies, that guy. And that always seemed weird to me, too.
Because they're fucking great monologues, many of them, but really, nobody does that, do they? You don't just go off to the side of the store and start talking to yourself, do you? Of course not, they'd call those nice people in white coats if you did.
And maybe that's what's wrong with our world – nobody does a good monologue anymore. In Henry IV, there's this truly brilliant monologue that Prince Hal has, when he finds his father is dying and regrets all the rebellious shit he's done -
Why doth the crown lie there upon his pillow,
Being so troublesome a bedfellow?
O polish'd perturbation! golden care!
That keep'st the ports of slumber open wide
To many a watchful night! Sleep with it now!
Yet not so sound and half so deeply sweet
As he whose brow with homely biggen bound
Snores out the watch of night. O majesty!
When thou dost pinch thy bearer, thou dost sit
Like a rich armour worn in heat of day
That scald'st with safety.
It's a truly mind blowing speech, but really, all those other court-people were just in the other room, didn't one think to wonder what the fuck is the prince doing talking to himself? If this guy becomes king, we're so screwed...
Things like that.
But they don't, nobody seems to mind when characters do that, when they go off on this great bit where they talk to themselves and ponder the meaning of life. In fact, they do the opposite, they shut up respectfully until the person finishes and then they carry on talking – ignoring usually what was said in the soliloquy – as if nothing's happened.
Now, I know modern day society tends to look down upon things like that, but maybe we should re-introduce such moments in day-to-day life. Sure, they can't all be about big stuff like death and betrayal, because mostly you deal with boring things, like the fruits at the store are kinda off.
Well, when that happens, why not stand there, lost in space and muse and lament about it? It sounds like fun and I'll bet you it keeps away unwanted conversation. Bet you.
It might prove a mistake, especially if you're an evil fuck – you know the ones? When the bad guy thinks no one is listening and starts talking to himself about all the evil things he's going to do? That one always seemed a bit spooky to me. I mean, if I'm going to screw someone over, I'm not going to start talking about it out loud. Certainly when he's just in the other room. 'Cause that's when they usually do it. They wait for the presumably good guy to leave the room and they start scheming and telling the audience about all that nasty shit. Seriously man, he might hear you.
Wait until you're back home, at least.
But no, it's fine. Do it wherever you are. Start talking to yourself about the deepest questions weighing your soul and all your evil schemes – apparently that's the way to go.
Let me be clear, I'm not poking fun at either Shakey Bill or Tolkien, wouldn't dare, but it seems like a mighty strange habit. I get it. But it's still strange.