Sometimes I ask myself, why is it that as humans we always have misunderstandings? Why can’t we just know that we are wrong and accept correction without feeling witch hunted? Why can’t we be more polite in rebuking someone that has done something wrong? Why are we so scared to accept change even when it is something that will happen eventually? And so many other questions. Personally, I have been in all of these situations and trust me, it’s real. We most times make mistakes and we find ourselves looking for ways by which we can miraculously just be justified for doing what we have done.
We all have different beliefs, ideas, perspectives and opinions that have become a part of us. We accumulated all of these things - values through the things we have learnt from our parents, friends, family and even from our environment. Most times, since these are the basic things we are surrounded with, we most times see them as the right things but as we continue growing, we figure out that some things are either not completely right or completely wrong and we try to make adjustments.
Due to the fact that it takes some of us longer time to accept these changes, we most times end up having misunderstandings with those around us. We start hiding in the disguise of the fact that every one is right in his or her own opinion but trust me, that’s the first step to getting things wrong. Just like we learnt back in school, we learnt that some scientists first said the earth was flat and for years, people made different explanations trying to fit into that idea even when it wasn’t really making sense to them at first but somehow, they just made sure it makes sense to them and others.
Years past and others discovered that the earth wasn’t flat but spherical and some of those experiments that were made back then started making complete sense even without trying to force our understanding of it. So, just the way we had proves that the earth was flat but later discover it was completely wrong, that’s how we also have different opinions and perspectives but what help us is by putting all of these to work. By testing our claims and understanding of a particular situation, we can then give a better conclusion as long as we are not biased with our own opinions and beliefs.
When it comes to dealing with people, both young and old, learned and unlearn, rich or poor, the best thing is to always find a common ground. When I successfully find a common ground, it is only then we can both want to listen attentively to each other’s perspectives and find a common understanding. The only problem is that most of us always want to win a conversation or an argument. We hate to be the wrong ones and as much as we can, we always try to prove our wisdom(foolishness) to the next person. I mean, it took me a long time to try explaining myself. I only explain myself when I know the next person is not just going to hear my blabbing but listen to it.
I know when to fight back when I know the next person is calm and ready to listen. Not necessarily fight but ironing out the misunderstanding together. And if the opposite happens, I know that is my time to back down. I have come to understand that the more I try to win a conversation, the harder it becomes to win it. So most times, I disguise to lose so I can win but trust me, that is not easy. It only becomes easy if the next person also thinks like you. In doing this, I help not just myself but the next person avoid doing things we might regret later. I can’t always be right nor wrong neither can the other person be wrong or right all the time.
When we have that in minds, it will help us listen more and by listening more, we push misunderstandings far away from our relationships and that is why we always say communication is one of the important keys in building a healthy relationship and also, that is why it is most times the first thing that is attacked when there is a misunderstanding- we lose interest to communicate with each other. But the moment we can keep that active, we will mostly resolve our misunderstandings faster.
This is my response to the hivelearners topic on SETTLING AN ARGUMENT.
Thanks for reading through. ❤️