As I got older, I started to believe that I will always get what I want. It might not be immediate, but I know that I will eventually reach it. It’s no longer surprising why I’ve achieved many things in life. Just to be clear, I’m not saying that I have attained most of my goals. It just feels like you’re on top of the world when some of your relatives and even strangers are proud of you. But sometimes, there’s still a part of me that feels the world can be unfair.
Two years ago, I was hired to work part-time for my virtual friend. But before I got hired, I reached out to her in desperation because I needed money for my educational tour. I thought that I didn’t make the cut, but I managed to get in anyway. To make the story short, I was able to save money for my tour. Meanwhile, my cousin simply asked my uncle for financial help.
I didn’t ask because he once scolded me for my expenses and told my mom about it. Because of that embarrassment, I told myself that I would no longer ask him for extra financial help. He still gives my allowance and pays for my tuition, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t ask for money for things like my thesis or similar expenses. Anyway, he knows that I already have online work experience.
Two weeks after I successfully paid for it, my uncle called my mom and asked if I had already paid. As usual, my mother responded and told him my exact reason. I still remember him saying, “Magtipid ka rin,” or “Save money too.” He then assured us that he would give me a second-hand iPad as a reward for my good academic performance. And he did. I was just surprised that my cousin also got one, and I tried not to think negatively about it.
For context, my cousin and I are classmates in college, and my uncle supports our studies. If you compare our academic performance, I’m doing better than him. I wasn’t jealous when I paid for my tour with my own effort. It’s ironic that I still aced my exams despite working part-time while he got lower scores. Still, sometimes you can’t help but sigh at how unfair the treatment feels.
Last July 2025, my phone started experiencing a dead loop. It was one of my biggest nightmares because it kept turning on and off. I could only use it with a power bank while charging just to keep it running. Of course, that wasn’t good for long-term use, and replacing the battery would have been the better option. I told my mom that I only bought the cheapest model of POCO, so I expected it not to last long.
Whenever my uncle (who is also my cousin’s father) picked us up from our companies, I often noticed my cousin’s iPhone. He sat beside his father in their jeep (XLT), while I sat in the passenger seat. I didn’t know where he got it, but I didn’t think much about it. Later, during lunch, my sibling told me that it was a gift from my uncle for his 21st birthday. I didn’t know why he received it, but it made me feel something. My parents and siblings even shared the same thoughts.
Then my own 21st birthday passed, and I didn’t receive what I expected from him. I’m not saying that I didn’t receive anything, but I only got ₱500 or about $8.47. With that disappointment, I just lay in bed and sighed. Sometimes it really feels like the world is unfair. Even if you excel in some areas, you still can’t please everyone. I’m grateful for some of the things I’ve received, but sometimes I feel like I also deserve better. I can’t deny that I felt envious.
I couldn’t help comparing myself to him. When I received the highest rank overall, I only got ₱500 or about $8.47. That’s not bad if you think about it, especially since he didn’t receive anything for his academics. But it still made me sigh when he was prioritized to get a second-hand phone even though his old one was still working. He also received a used smartwatch. Meanwhile, my phone was already broken, and it was difficult to communicate without a reliable one. Maybe he’s just the favorite.
Although that thought feels immature, I tried to reframe the situation. Maybe I needed to experience it so I could become more valuable once we graduate. Right now, I’m building more experiences and continuing to improve myself. I also want to mention that I did receive money for my 21st birthday. I used it to replace my old phone through installment payments. With my side hustles online and the initial payment, I was able to pay it off without penalties.
At the moment, I’m busy building more experiences. I’m grateful that I worked hard to pay for my educational tour because it improved my prompting skills. I’m now using those skills for my YouTube automation projects. I have many things keeping me busy, and I’m hoping that they will become profitable at the right time.