Kathleen Lamson Jarvie
Many of you have no idea who my mother is and was and so I'd like to take a moment to share a little bit. You may know her or may only know of her indirectly by knowing me and my sisters Kristen and Sara or perhaps our many half siblings.
"Our tears are just as wet, but not because of despair."
At 10:43am PST this morning we got to be with Kathleen Russel Lamson Jarvie as she took her last breath quietly and seemingly peacefully. Kristen, Sara (
She has known for months now she would soon leave us. Sara, Jeff and Myself came and joined Kristen/Jay/Jodi in Oregon for our last Christmas with her and were able to spend many many hours talking and playing Canasta, Skippo and Rummikub.
I was able to have discussions about what she was feeling and what she was looking forward to.
DON'T BE "SORRY" BE GRATEFUL
This is a personal plea... don't "feel sorry for our loss" feel happy we had this great person in our life, this great weekend together as family and of course the great example in our life. Feel grateful that we all have the assurance of hope. Without these hopes bourn of faith this would certainly be a tragedy... with hope: "Those tears of separation change, ere long, becoming tears of glorious anticipation." (Neal Maxwell)
And may i take a moment to speak to those who have lost or are close to loosing someone. I actually don't fully know how you feel to be honest if you have lost someone "too soon" or lost someone while there was unfinished business. A father or mother still rearing a child. A friendship still in need of mending. Someone who you were emotionally, economically, spiritually dependent on. Or just a sudden and unexpected loss. I don't know how you feel as my experience is very very different and I know it must be way more painful. And my heart is with you.
SHE LOVED DEEPLY
She looked forward to those coming reunions with those have gone before... and I'll tell you why because my mother felt DEEPLY... she was able to feel love deeply and she knew how to make life long friendships that were incredibly deep. For example those feelings for her friends and family who have already passed on were just as strong now even after separations from those who have been gone decades.
Her love was quiet and kind... She cared so strongly she didn't know how to contain it sometimes and she worried and was anxious often, but we knew that was just her handling the huge heart she was given.
She was proud of her kids, my favorite story was her recounting how she told the Bishop that she wasn't as much of a rockstar mother as he thought she was because she was simply blessed with well behaved obedient kids. But truth is that while we may have all had a non-rebelious disposition there is so much to say about nuture as well, she was great and it was her example that taught us so much. My mother fought chemical imbalances of manic depression for the second half of her life and did it so well that honestly I never ever even considered it growing up, actually I bet I was 100% oblivious that it even existed. The medications helped her and yet would eventually kill her kidneys leading to this day but even with all that she was always there for us. ALWAYS there. She was at everything when we were kids. And as adults she answered every phone call.
We knew she loved us and she knew we loved her. Her final, and some of the only, words on her final day talking was to remind every single person that came to visit. "I love you so much" And then she'd repeat " I love you So So much"
I asked her this weekend: "Mother do you know I love you?" No longer talking, She shook her head affirmatively more vigorously than normal, certainly a blessing of kindness to me. We sang to her, we held her hands for hours on end. We reminded her constantly we loved her ... and then with that same love we made sure she knew that we understood and accepted that she had to go.
HER FINAL GIFT
When I made the 20hr travel to Oregon on friday/saturday there were moments I didn't know I would make it home before she left. In the end she stayed not just with us, but FOR us for 3 days which we believe strongly was her sacrifice to let me and my two sisters a chance to bond like never before. This morning we recognized this was the first time alone just the 3 of us... which in a way was a testament to my mother. She was always there. And now we have to learn to be eachother's support where in so many cases the support centered on my mother. She was a rock. That's who she was. We have wondered why after her petitions to God on saturday... "Why won't you let me go?" That this was the answer... because she was here to give us one last gift. Today has been the gift. A stronger family is always a gift. And hard or emotional shared experiences can either break you or make you.
WHO SHE WAS
I'd like to share a bit about her life and would LOVE for those who knew her to share a few more.
Beyond the feeling deeply. She believed in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. She didn't doubt her next step to the other side and that "Death is a mere comma, not an exclamation point!". She read books all the time, she read to her grandchildren. She loved playing games with her kids and her ol' lady friends. She celebrated them and served them. She watched a TON of cooking shows with the irony of knowing for years a shrunken throat made it so she couldn't really eat any of that delicious food. She had a wonderful love hate relationship with Jake the Cat Who went from wild/scared almost feral to a loving companion who would not leave her side for the last couple years. She survived 40+ years to a patient but absent minded starving artist husband. She was such a sensitive soul that she couldn't handle watching my Dad have pain when he died. In fact she couldn't or didn't want to understand suffering at all... she just honestly couldn't comprehend the role of suffering for faith and progress or at least it seemed always present, or she begrudgingly accepted it. She asked "why" to God probably more than a few times. And yet she persisted never wavering.
She taught me love through Quality Time... all those moments she was there when growing up and all those board games and card games all these years later, she didn't have to talk or do anything she loved me by speaking my language of Time.
