It is raining here this morning. I find that rainy weather always puts me in somewhat of a contemplative mood. I am not sure what it is about it, but it is like it somehow just "slows everything down"... not unlike lying on your back and staring at the clouds, getting absorbed in all the fascinating shapes and patterns. I had such a beautiful day yesterday. There was nothing specifically significant about it - but the day itself just had the most wonderful energy and it unfolded just perfectly, until the end of it.

Suddenly I was faced with an emotionally intense situation and not a positive one either. Initially - my heart just sank as I sat here and thought to myself oh no! not again! I had been walking around feeling all "warm and fuzzy" the entire day, and I did not want that feeling to be replaced with sadness, anger, frustration or anything else negative.

I had been making a pork stew with dumplings, and was so looking forward to it - especially the dumplings... but as this drama unfolded, I forgot to turn the heat down on the stove, so essentially the dumplings completely disintegrated into the stew and there was nothing left of them. I sighed with disappointment, thinking how once one negative domino falls, they all seem to follow suit. But then I stopped myself in that thought process and said "NO!" - right there, I made a decision that I was not going to think like that, nor was I going to allow what had transpired to ruin my day! I decided to remove what I could of the failed dumplings - turn the heat back up on the stove, put on some good music and make a new batch... and they turned out perfectly - and so did the rest of my evening, because I decided that was how I wanted it to be.

Reflecting back on what had momentarily put a damper on my day, I acknowledged the fact that there are some things that will never change and there are others which are beyond our control. There is not much I can do about that, but I can control how I react to things, and also - what I will permit in my life and what I wont. I think that sometimes we get so wrapped up in situations that we forget that we actually do not have to participate in or allow things, people or circumstance in our lives which ultimately break us down and squander our time negatively.

This is not something that I didn't know, but just thinking about it versus actually implementing it is where the difference lies! I spent a good chunk of my life allowing others to make me feel unworthy, or less of a lovable person because of choices I make or opinions I have - and then I spent another good portion of it, remembering that I am in control of me, nobody else - just me... and nobody has the right to hold that level of emotionally demeaning power over another. If I accept me, then everything else falls into place and I can smile my way with a happy heart through any complication.

“You deserve the affection that you kept trying to pour into others. You deserve the same motivation that you tried to inspire in others. You deserve the high of happy, without the low of sadness. You deserve the joy of being spoiled, without the catch of having to repay. You deserve the relaxation of trust, without the paranoia of betrayal. You deserve to be confident, without the reminder to be humble. You deserve to look at your reflection with eyes of awe, not judgment. You deserve to be held forever, not for a night. You deserve to be first, second, and third. You deserve to have everything you want. You deserve this power. It is who you are and who you will always be.” - G.L. Lambert