It was kind of amusing to me when I asked Google to define happiness to me in simple terms and it defined it as that feeling that comes over you when you know life is good and you can’t help but smile. I mean this definition alone made me smile because I had to reflect on how true that statement was. And this week’s question from Ladies of Hive had me reflecting a lot.
Do you believe that we are happier today, than we were in times gone by? What brings true happiness and how important is it to you, to pursue it?
And to begin this, I like to call myself a happy person. Because simple things make me happy. Like finding the particular brand of lip gloss I use at the store and not having to hear that it was out of stock. Or when I get several compliments that I look pretty. Or I ace my test or write a particular thrilling story that I feel satisfied with even before I post it and hear what people think about it.
I’m saying all of these because I think happiness is fleeting. Momentary. And maybe that’s why Google quantified happiness with smiling. When nice things happy to me and I get so happy on the inside, it doesn’t transform to a smile on the outside. Yet, I'm happy. Because happiness today is gotten from the simplest things yet it is transient and short-lived because maybe they aren't as simple as we think?
I love listening to my parents' stories. One thing you would hear in abundance in almost every African household is stories of old. At dinner time or when the whole family is just relaxing, Mom or Dad will launch into tales of their childhood. Of things that made them happy back then. Like Dad, getting a new jam on his mixtape from abroad, so he could play it with his large cassette-radio for his friends on Friday nights.
Mom's happiness was getting home from boarding school back then and scrubbing their thatched hut till it shone. Doing all of that in time, so she could join other ladies her age later on in the evening to dance under the moonlight, to the village drummers beating their drums in a frenzy, while she kept an eye on her younger siblings who were playing with their own peers in the corner and ensuring they didn’t get into mischief.
I want to advocate for the blessings of today. I want to advocate for the happiness that surrounds today, so bad. But I just can’t. Cause they really were happy. Happy in the way that isn’t as fleeting as now. I like to believe that their happiness lasted longer. It wasn’t fuelled by the dopamine rush of money and drugs and sex and alcohol. I’m not saying these things weren’t there then. But it wasn’t so soul-eating and definitely not as idolized as now. It wasn’t punishment. Neither was it so transactional.
I want to advocate that today is happier, but not when the highlights of my Grandma’s day was getting the perfect calligraphic writings of her pen pal’s letter and clapping that it made its way to her faster than the former three months it took and that this time, it only took two months and twenty seven days. The happiness was almost similar to true bliss and joy then. It wasn’t so short-lived. Wasn’t so complicated.
Happiness today feels so complex, and in a way, so selfish. That even with how simple we think it is, it mostly revolves around me, me, and me again. And no, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t love or care for yourself enough. I’m one of the biggest advocates of self-care even though I don’t remember to do same for myself so often. But then, what if that’s why it doesn’t last? Because it’s tied to my fulfilment and gratification? What if it would last longer if it was more communal in nature? The people, the sights, and acts of service we do to those around us.
What if they were happier in times gone by because their happiness wasn’t tied to so many shallow things? Because their happiness was more rooted in things that were real? And what is even real? Theirs were the simple kinds of endearment, wrapped with genuine care and patience. The presence and rush of social media has completely robbed us of patience. On social media, do you notice that you only need three seconds to gauge whether or not you’re interested in something or will find it exciting? Unless there’s an info in the beginning to wait for something ahead, most of us are too impatient to wait and see? We're in this huge rush that we can't stop. Too busy to see. Or even to breathe, let alone live.
So, yeah, I feel it was happier then. But how can we find happiness now? Or at least what brings me happiness? Like I said, it’s fleeting. So what made me happy three months ago is definitely not what makes me happy now. I was so bent on chasing my happiness that I got selfish in times past. Thinking that if I focused on me enough, I’d be able to give same to others. But currently, doing that for others is what brings my happiness. Like letting the old lady take my place on the queue and shifting to the other seat, so two friends can sit together.
I don’t know. I’m no saint now. But I’m honest enough to tell myself that I’m exploring a lot of other options that I didn’t use to in search for true happiness. Maybe not like those of old. But something close to it, perhaps?
Jhymi🖤
Images are mine.
