Coming back to my room after another majorly gruelling day at school, I was like, okay. I’m just going to take a nap since I was feeling kind of fuzzy and still having some traces of dizziness that hadn’t gone with the recent malaria I had. And then when I wake up, I’ll go straight to studying.
But then I didn’t get to do either of the two Because a lot of things came up. I was out of my depth and needed something to distract myself from the way I was feeling. I haven’t published anything in the last few days and I guess I would have gone right on to doing just that if a very close person didn’t say something along the lines of, “It’s your blog. It doesn’t have to be a lot. Just write whatever you feel, however you feel it.”
I immediately felt like, well okay. I can definitely do this. And I think I began to see, even as I wrote this, just how easy it is, you know, to just not write anymore. I used to be such an advocator for writing daily. But even I know the importance of taking a break once or twice to get into the right head space before coming back. From the recent sickness I had, to convalescing, and then to my general disenchantment from writing or doing anything online in particular, I just felt like, this is how easy it is, you know? To just stop doing the things you love.
So yeah, I’ve already stated the highlights of the past two weeks for me which comprises of battling with malaria, eye issues and then the general cost of living. I saw a meme that says that it’s truly the worst time to be a Nigerian student and I couldn’t agree more. The cost of living is so high and we’re not even allowed to cook in the hostel so that means we’ve got to depend solely on food from outside. Now the problem is, the food vendors capitalize on this monopoly and get the prices of food to ridiculous heights. They know we don’t have a choice so they try to make the most out of it.
And then I say to myself, how can I even write in such negative conditions? If you can’t eat well enough to read or even study, how can you also expect to be able to write? But here I am, writing anyway. Because I feel myself slipping away from here. Slipping away that already tells me that I might not be able to come back again. I already have mixed feelings about being here but it’s not so bad that I want to leave....yet. Hehe.
Writing should be a joy. And it is to me. It has always been. Which is why I’m trying not to ever feel pressured. About writing anything or pushing myself to be here. I want to be with the clearest of heads and yet the strongest of wills. But if I’m waiting till I feel completely un-pressured, does that mean I’m going to wait forever? Because as long as the status quo remains, there will always be pressure. No one is ever completely at rest mind and spirit. I mean you could get close, but not totally there.
That means I can choose to wait till I’m completely liberated and not write at all, or I can do it with ease. Because I want to. No pressure. Just take it slow. And that, I think is the beauty of writing here. Because apart from the fiction stories I write, when I write and share things with everyone here, I talk to myself in the process and it’s way more therapeutic than you can imagine.
I didn’t plan to write a lot of things and I certainly didn’t expect it to be this long. “Just breeze in and breeze out,” I said to myself. But here I am, lol. I’m already feeling like I’m rambling and I doubt if I’ve made much sense in the entirety of this post. But that’s the beauty of writing, you see. You don’t have to always be clear-headed. You don’t have to have it all figured out. Heck, you may choose not to even make much sense in it, if you please. But you’ve gotten it penned down and that’s what matters.
Power supply, here at school will be gone in a few minutes from now so I’m happy to have made the most out of it. I hope I never lose that ease that comes with penning down my thoughts or even sharing them with you all. Have a nice weekend ahead, everyone.
Jhymi🖤
Image is mine.
