I think apart from High School, where everyone was in teenage relationships which of course ended when you find out things like, said partner is cheating with a close friend or some other girl, I’ve not been in any cheating relationships. But if I were in one and even back then, there was only one question I asked and felt was important. Why.
I feel, especially if it’s the first time, that the why is important. Chances are that a very illogical answer would be given in reply but you could use that to know how salvageable that relationship is out if at all it deserves or needs salvaging. Why did you do it?
In the hypothetical scenario that I found out that my partner was cheating, there are some steps I’d follow personally as a way of preparing my mind. Even in the most dire and tense of situations, I believe if a situation is approached calmly, at least with outward calm because your heart is usually raging with a myriad of terrible emotions, you have a chance of getting to that person than if you approached it with dramatics or hysteria.
In the event that I’ve reached that desirable level of calmness in my mind and my heart, somewhat, I would be set for a confrontation. And even then, it won’t be straight up. Probably after having dinner, in which I’d watch his facial expressions. I’m a keen observer of that and I’d try to see if there’s any element of at least guilt. If there are no traces, it goes a long way to influence what my final decision would be.
Then after that, I’d just lay out the question, watch his reaction, see if he would lie blatantly. A cheater is already a liar but if he just outright lies, then that’s all I need to know. If he doesn’t and apologizes and I see genuine remorse, that’s when I ask why. Knowing some men, it’s probably going to be in the line of “…I don’t know what came over me.” (I kind of stopped writing and laughed at this point because, no way).
But, like I said, I’ve not been in these situations in my adult years so it’s hard to know. But if his reason sounded a bit plausible and of course, it’s the first time, I may forgive, provided he told me why he didn’t tell me upfront if he was truly remorseful or is just apologetic because he was caught.
At the end of the day, on the subject of cheating, it all boils down to respect or its lack thereof. A lot of people view cheating with zero tolerance, as an absolute crossing of the line where there’s no comeback and I’m no different. There are gravities to these things and if it’s something that I just can’t recover from, I would end it there and then. But if there is real sincerity in his apology, insecurities could be pushed aside for one final chance.
I know, that I may always be insecure but if the relationship is salvageable, the gross betrayal could be forgiven. And maybe not forgotten, but at least pushed to the recesses of my mind. Of course, there’s going to be a lot of work on his part to try to fix the trust and if there’s effort put into that, that would just help the resolve that things might just work out.
The subject of cheating is sore for a lot of people and I understand that these things are handled differently depending on your personality, the situation and your values, but this is what I could do in the very unfortunate event that this happens.
Jhymi🖤
My entry to The Weekend Engagement Topics. by @Galenkp
Image is mine.