Hello, my dearest hive friends. I hope everyone's doing well, and to my fellow Cebuanos who also experienced the earthquake, I hope you are all safe.
This is...
🤍 Why Growing Old Feels So Scary: A Personal Realization 🤍
Is it just me, or is growing old really terrifying?
Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who feels genuinely scared of getting older. I don't like the feeling of growing up because the moment you step into a new stage of life, there are suddenly so many expectations placed on you. There are responsibilities you can't escape and people start expecting you to automatically know what you're doing. As an adolescent, I felt so shocked because i was so used to my childhood life which is simple, carefree, and not so serious. My these were mostly filled with playing, laughing, and being around my family. Nothing too heavy. Nothing too complicated. Life felt light.
The first moment I truly felt scared was when I started applying for college. That was when a huge realization hit me, “hala, this is the first step into adulthood.” If you guys don't know, applying for college is very difficult, especially if you don't have much money to afford application fees or even think about the tuition in the future. It felt like reality slapped me. Suddenly, I wasn't just a child anymore. I had decisions to make, deadlines to meet, and a future to plan for. And honestly, I wasn't ready.
When I was younger, I used to be so excited to grow up. I thought being an adultment i could do anything i wanted. I imagine having my own money, buying things without asking permission, and being in control of my life. I thought adulthood was freedom. But now that i'm actually growing older, all I want is to go back to being a child again. I want to return to those days when my only problems for what game to play or what cartoon to watch.
I'm scared, not because I'm afraid of death. I know that all of us will eventually die when our purpose in this world is done. That part doesn't scare me much. What scares me more is the idea that when we die, there is a big chance that people will eventually forget about us. No matter how important we think we are now, time will go on, life will move forward, and memories will fade. That's the scariest part which is being forgotten.
This realization hit me even harder last night. I came across a video on social media that use the song “Ribs” by Lorde. And there was one part of the lyrics that truly made me cry:
“This dream isn't feeling sweet
We're reeling through the midnight streets
And I've never felt more alone
It feel so scary getting old”
That lyric hit something deep inside me because it perfectly captured how I feel about growing up. How something that used to feel exciting now feels heavy, confusing, and honestly, lonely.
For me, the meaning of that lyric is simple but painful. Growing up means facing the reality that life isn't always sweet. It means learning that not everything will go your way. It means realizing the people want to always stay and it means accepting that the more you grow, the more you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders.
Sometimes, I find myself wishing i could press pause in this life. I want to be a kid again who doesn't worry about decisions, expectations, and responsibilities. I want to be a kid again just to escape the harsh reality. I want to be someone who can just exist freely.
But life doesn't work like that. Growing old is something we all go through whether we like it or not. Even the richest people even those who seem to have everything still experience this fear. Because that's just the way life goes.
For now, I'm allowing myself to feel scared. Because I know that eventually I can adjust to this new era of mine.
With all my love, Khirstine.
Thank you for reading!