I have a lot of friends, and among them, there are those I allow into my inner circle. These are friends I can pour out my mind to, seek advice from, and confide in. I am always careful of those I allow into my inner circle because I don't want anyone bringing negative energy to my circle but sometimes, we choose the wrong person.
There was a time in school when my department secretary, a man in his late thirties, told me how he felt about me. He loved my dressing, how respectful I am, and others. He was too kind to me, and he finally asked me out some months later.
I felt uncomfortable about his request, and my answer would be a big no, but I can't just turn him down. I had to be very smart about rejecting his proposal but didn't know how to go about it.
Every time our paths crossed in school, he would stop to talk to me, not minding that other students were watching. His texts and calls started making me uncomfortable as well, and I had to confide in a friend who was also in my department.
I shared my worries about my toaster punishing me or doing something bad if I turn him down, and I just wanted her to advise me. I also pleaded that she keep it a secret because I don't want such news circulating in the department.
She couldn't come up with tangible advice, but I felt relieved sharing my worries with someone. I kept postponing my toaster, and he would tell me that I shouldn't throw away such an amazing opportunity.
Opportunity as how? How do I settle to date someone who definitely doesn't have a plan about the future for me? He was more than 15 years older, and I was sure he had a family, but he lied about them.
Asking people who knew him very well would raise suspicion, and keeping my distance was my only option at that time. I kept wearing fake smiles around him and always prayed I didn't get into any trouble courtesy of him.
The exam was approaching, and there was this course many of us were struggling with. Some of us (my classmates) decided to do group studying as usual; it was one practice that helped in the previous exams. We fixed evenings on days we didn't have many lectures, and I always looked forward to it.
We met as usual at one of our coursemates places, and we started reading, sharing ideas, and asking questions. It lasted about 3 hours whenever we met. On the last day of studying, a day before the exam, we were just talking generally when my friend, whom I confided in, said, "Lara, you shouldn't be worried about passing now; your crush can do magic for you."
It felt like a grenade was thrown at me, and I was short of words.
The others turned to me, and even without them saying anything, I knew they wanted the whole gist.
"Don't mind her. I don't know who is crushing on her," I replied.
That response wasn't enough, but I wasn't ready to say anything else. Disappointment would have been a better feeling, but betrayal was what I felt.
I challenged my friend for saying such a thing, and she laughed about it, saying it was just a joke.
I didn't want to start any drama, so I left because if she could say such in my presence, she has said worse behind me.
While going home, I called my toaster and politely told him that I wasn't ready for any relationship. He wasn't offended at all and even said he respected my decision.
I felt relieved and didn't bother telling my friend. I kept my distance from her because she can't be trusted.