"This kind of life isn't for me".
That's it, the exact word she said. The exact words I still don't understand up till today. The exact words that made me decide to take a break from love. The words that left me messed up for months.
Like you all know, my name is Marriot and this is my heartbreak story, a story that some words from it still haunts my understanding till this moment.
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Maybe It was lust, or maybe It wasn't. Maybe It was just an exaggeration of my feelings for her or maybe It was just me being true to myself.
I couldn't pinpoint it precisely, but one thing was for sure: I felt a deep sense of knowing what I desired, and her gaze affirmed that she shared the same longing.
Wholeheartedly, I knew within me that she was my prize and I hers.
She was beautiful and radiant as ever. She gave me this sudden flutter in my chest and the way my heart skips a beat whenever she walks into the room. She had these infectious smiles that I've never seen before and the most sonorous voice that I've never heard before.
Her brown skin, rich and smooth, just like the finest chocolate. Her eyes were like a pool of melted chocolate. And when she walked, it was with these grace and ease. Sh made it look simple, like she had mastered it all. And I could tell she captured my heart.
Just like a miracle, I could tell how fast it was the first time we spoke. The connection, the smooth flow of words between us, like a river, just like I'd never imagined. We moved from the surface to something deeper, and with every passing day our bond grew stronger. It didn't take long for me to realise that I loved her and I was ready to give my all, to prove it. Ready to sacrifice for it.
I had no reservations, no hesitations.
But, maybe that was where I let it all go wrong. Maybe I moved too fast. Maybe I raced ahead of time without taking time to savor the beautiful moments. Maybe if I had slowed down a little and taken my time, things would have ended differently. I would have seen the signs.
Because it still haunts me today as I ponder on the past. It keeps playing in my head over and over again the whole scenario when she called me that we meet at our favourite spot.
I'd dressed up immediately and dashed out to meet her, all my mind was that we'd have our usual romantic dinner date. I was looking forward to an evening filled with love, laughter and endles smiles.
Dressed in a tight fitted white gown, I watched as she sat there and I could tell that something was off as she refused to order food or anything not even her favourite. She pulled away anytime I reached out to hold her hands. They sparkle that's always in her eyes whenever we meet, I couldn't find those sparkles anymore. I searched for them but they were gone. And when she smiled I could tell they were forced.
It haunts me that till today I still don't understand the last thing she meant when I asked what was wrong and she said
"It is not you, it's me. I just wish... I really wished that I can give you all that you want from me. Trust me... This kind of life isn't for me. I'm sorry."
I sat there stunned in silence and lost in my own thoughts. Trying so hard to understand what she meant by "This kind of life isn't for me". Trying so hard to understand all that was going on in that moment.
But Before I had the chance to pose these questions, she rose from her chair, grabbed her bag, then I watched as she walked away from me, from the table, from my life, from our lives.
Vanished into thin air, leaving me with many unanswered questions. Leaving me with nothing but mere memories of our beautiful times together.
A love I thought was designed in heaven gone with those confusing words.
If I could turn back the hands of time, maybe I would have taken it slow and tried to understand her better. Maybe I would have paid more attention to understand her words. Maybe I would have seen the signs. Maybe it was the intensity or I could have done something different.
But then again some truths are better left behind so they don't haunt your future.