I actually never thought a day would come where I would have to write about this. Let me walk you through though....It was my signing out day. I was having my last examination on that day as well, that day is a very special one as it carries the weight of sleepless nights, rushed assignments, group projects with stubborn group mates, and the long walks under the hot sun from hostel to faculty, so also is it a day of celebration, joy and relief.
I and my partner had planned it for weeks, how she would be the very first to sign on my white shirt, how she's going to dress nicely, how she would wait for me to come out of the exam all and hug me tight and every romantic th8ng you can think of, we made plans for pictures, poses, captions and everything. On that day, she was the least person I thought would disappoint me.
Guess what, she didn't come for my signing out, I did my project defense, another day that held equal weight in the heart of every final year student, I watched others being cheered, hugged, prayed for, and celebrated by the ones they loved, I just stood there, no one my heart was heavy, I had to later take pictures with my mates, friends and all. But on those different days, I couldn't stop checking my phone, I was even worried, hope she's good, no call, no text...nothing.
Aside that she didn't show up, she didn't explain why, she had no emergency, she had no genuine reason, she didn't even send a remorseful text message, nothing at all, it was that she didn't know where I would be since school will be rowdy, it was that she didn't know where I would be defending, it was that she was too busy or couldn't wander around, I was pained, you were always found of excuses, to the person you claim to love, you can't sacrifice or do that much, if you can't shoe or act it, if you can't sacrifice, if you can't at least try, then what's love then, what's love?
That day, I was amidst a whole lot of people, yet I felt completely alone, I still made excuses for her absence, maybe something happened, she must definitely have a genuine reason. But that was not the case, she didn't show up for those days that meant so much to me, for a moment that can never be relived. And it really broke me, I knew she loved me, but why, why can't she, she has that part of her that will just find excuse for not doing something, she should at least work on it and change. But she choose to not be there, she choose to not celebrate me, I was expecting her to hold my hand and remind me of how far I’ve come, but she chose to miss a chapter of my story.
That experience taught me that love and trust isn't just in words, it isn’t just about keeping secrets, but, it’s about showing up when it matters the most, it’s about those small things we do, its those sacrifices we pay, it's those times we choose to be present, its the intentionality and the commitment to make someone feel seen and chosen always.
That night, I was pained, I gave her attitude, acted somehow to her, I wiped my tears myself that night. I thought of how I had to take pictures with classmates who were half strangers and feigned my smile. Sometimes, the people we give our hearts too are the ones that will teach us the hardest lessons.
Of a truth, I still think about it, about how she wasn’t there. But I’ve stopped waiting for an explanation. People have done a lot for me, including those we were blood related, but this just got me, I was disappointed by someone I trusted deeply. My own partner, my supposed closest person didn’t show up for me on one of the biggest days of my life.
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