The summer holidays have hit and I was in need of a new swimsuit. But who would have thought it would be so hard for a lady when making what is meant to be a simple purchase.
Now as a mother of 5, I buy what I need and not what I would like and sometimes not even that. I tend to not really spoil myself in that department. Don't get me wrong, I dress very professional at work and have some sense of style for outside work hours... (as long as it something paired with jeans lol).
There have been times I have worn underwear that had holes that they should have been tossed out years ago, I never wear matching socks, I don't own one single matching set of bra and panties set, and I have only ever owned one swimsuit at a time.
Maybe I am a little too frugal when it comes to my wardrobe but there is always something so much more important to spend our hard earnt cash on than clothing for me. But of course, I have always tried to find the perfect one when it comes time to update the old swimming cozzie. I was ready to spoil myself. I was going to look great!
Having just discovered one of the only online websites that ship and deliver here to Cambodia, it felt like was like a sign from above to make my purchase....how exciting!!!. I pushed my lesson plans and work aside, asked my daughter to make Mumma a coffee, opened the app and eagerly began my search for a new swimsuit.
Eeeasy peezy, right?
The first thing I notice as I begin scrolling through the pages was things have obviously changed in swimwear fashion since my last bathing suit....it's certainly more cheeky-er (excuse the pun lol) than ever before.
One of the first images that catch my eye is a black one piece. As my eyes make their way down the swimsuit I notice what resembles a narrow ribbon for the crotch. If the woman moved anywhere too quickly there could only be one result.....a vaginal lip popping out to wave hello.
I am not going to lie....the maintenance and self-care dedication to pull off using a piece of floss for coverage in a swimsuit is admirable but certainly not for me.
Last-minute invites to the pool would change from a quick tidy up of the bikini line before heading out, to pulling out a weed whacker and performing an extreme landscape make-over. I can get a little lazy in that department to ever take the chance of owning one of these little numbers and of course...I wouldn't want to shock my kids chasing after one of them waving more than just my hands.
The quest continued. I begin to make a list of what my dream swimsuit must have:
Must have a crotch. Covers my bum cheeks and is a fashionable, nice cut for someone with a "ribs and nipples" physic.
I still continue my search but the odds are stacked against me.
As exposed arse cheeks and almost crutchless swimsuits flow through my screen I pray that anyone who actually owns a swimsuit from a 2019 collection doesn't sneeze and can keep their bits in place during a day by the water.
My quest for the perfect swimsuit still continues today and I am in fear of what 2020 holds for us..... (Or doesn't hold up at all lol).
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