This is late, but Happy New Year to all of my readers!
Apologies for being absent for some time and the subsequent absence of the Good News blog lots of you seemed to be enjoying, they shall commence from this week!
For those of you who read my- An Empath’s Call to Arms- blog, a series of strange ‘coincidences’ led me to an estranged 17-year-old cousin clearly in need of help. I prioritised a lot of my free time around her the last 6-7 weeks I’ve been away, and she seems to be not out of the woods, but certainly facing the right way at least and getting some order into her life. I see her once or twice a week currently which means I have free time to get back into writing along side adulting. In short, I’m back!
I started writing a different blog, but I realised it seemed rather out of context without the back story, so I’ve changed my mind. I came on here originally with the intention of writing about my weird experiences, I have done so, but not in any order or with any real sense of direction. I have lots to write about, and have just decided to start from the beginning, to lay it out in order until I reach the present day and I can keep writing about what's happening now, knowing my readers will have the full context of the story. It didn't seem important when I started back in August, but things are happening now which confirm things from years and years ago, it will also help me remember things forgotten, and hopefully find some order for my self if i lay it all out in a linear fashion.
Much of my childhood is blurry, but there are a few major experiences I remember which had me knowing as a child that I was not normal, and I suppose seeded my passion for the paranormal in my later years. As far as I can remember, weird things happened until the age of about 7 or 8, then nothing for years, and as I went through puberty things exploded again and this was definitely the peak of my experiences (so far anyway). The earliest story I have to tell is not really a memory as I was literally a toddler, this is a story my dad told me about when I was 19.
When I was a baby my parents lived in a flat, their bedroom was the attic room, and my bedroom was 2 floors away (I think that’s bad parenting practice, ha, but they had a monitor). I was mobile so I think I was just over 1 year old. I had a cot that I slept in which I climbed out of a lot, so they also had a baby gate at my door so I didn’t try and climb the stairs.
My dad told me that one night he woke up with a really bad feeling that something was wrong with me. He put the monitor to his ear and I wasn’t making a noise, so he tried to go back to sleep and couldn’t. A few minutes later he woke my mother up and said I think something is wrong ………she did the same thing, put the monitor to her ear and said she’s fine. My dad got up and came to check on me to put his mind at ease.
He got down the first flight of stairs, silence, walked through the kitchen, silence, got half way down the stairs to my little box room and was confused and frightened to see and hear that I had climbed out of my cot, and was trying to climb over the baby gate absolutely screaming my head off. He said you can hear a hysterical screaming baby for miles (a figure of speech), he could not understand how he could not hear me until he was half way down the stairs and actually saw me, or why my cries had not come across the baby monitor as I had clearly been crying for some time going by my swollen eyes and snot covered face. He picked me up and rushed back upstairs, saying every hair on his body was standing up, something else was in that room.
He went back upstairs to see my mother sat bolt upright on the bed looking blank, she said she did not hear me on the baby monitor but could hear his voice trying to calm me down, but before she heard his voice, she heard the voice of a little girl singing the popular French nursery rhyme- Frere Jacques. He said they were confused and scared and literally hid under the blankets with the lights on and tried to sleep.
Now I can’t remember if this next part was on the same night as all this happened, or a few days later, they were pretty close if not the same night, and I don’t remember all the details exactly as I was told this story 11 years ago! But, my dad was asleep, and remembers thinking he was awake, but knowing he was in some kind of dream. He was in a brightly lit white room and something felt strange.
Before I continue, my father is a farmer, old fashioned, straight as can be, he is not someone who would want to experience or talk about things like this, so this next part blew my mind, because it came out of my dad’s cakehole.
He’s in the white room, and his words were ‘I can’t say for sure, but I just kind of knew it was him, I dared not say his name, and could not see his face, only his feet and robes and up to his chest but then it was all too bright, I could not see his face, I could hear his voice though, I think it might have been Jesus’.
I almost fell off my unicorn.
This is not something my dad would ever say unless he really thought it might have been. These days I have much more understanding, I think this entity may have been an entity of the Christ consciousness frequency, and that is what my dad was perceiving. So, whoever this man is, explains to my dad that I am in danger, and he has a job to do. My dad said he wasn’t being asked to do anything, he was being told. The man told my dad to repeat after him, it was a language my dad did not understand and the man told him it would be erased from his memory, but for now to just repeat everything just as he said it, so he did.
The man said to him you must win, and left. He did not tell my dad why I was in danger, or what he had to do, but a ‘monster’ appeared in front of my dad, he said ‘that’s all I can say to describe it, it was dark, it had no form, but it was dark, and powerful, and it was a battle of it’s will against mine, and I suddenly understood that if I did not beat this, I would die, it was a battle of the minds, who's will was stronger’.
The battle raged on for what felt like a life time to my dad, although he was in some sort of dream state it was physically exhausting for him, he was losing, he couldn’t hold it back. He said he thought he was done for, but then he wondered about why this thing was after his little girl, and a strength seemed to manifest from nowhere, like some cheesy superhero movie I know it sounds cringe, he said ‘it seemed like there was a certain place I had to back this thing into, like I had to be able to force it a certain distance away, and I kept on and on and I did it, and then it was over.'
He woke up in bed, exhausted, and never told a soul about it until he told me at 19. He thinks that the foreign words he was made to recite was some sort of summoning chant, to bring this thing to my dad, in that white room, for them to battle. I agreed, and if that is the case it makes perfect sense why my dad cannot recall it and why the man said it would be erased from his memory. I wondered why the whole thing would not have been erased from his memory, but now in retrospect I think It was an introduction for my dad, a sample of what was to come. He didn’t register it though, he buried it.
Fast forward 17 years.
I had been for my very first psychic reading, which I will write about again. I went to find out if I was psychic or schizophrenic, I genuinely did not know at the time which it was, and I had almost ended my life some months previously- an out of body experience prevented that. Probably turned my life around that reading, and it was on tape. I decided to go home and play it to my dad, I had been starting to tell him about some of the experiences I was having, and I decided to play him the tape, where she discusses in depth many of my experiences and why they were happening. I needed him to know how badly I was struggling with life, and that all of my crazy stories weren’t just stories.
He actually didn’t seem surprised, and I was confused. I guess lots of weird things had happened not just with me but with my other siblings also, but it was like no one really wanted to go there. Well, I did! I opened Pandora's box because I was confused as shit. Over the next year we talked about things a lot, and my dad got obsessed with photographing orbs around me and the house. I had turned 19 and he told me about the above incident in the first flat we lived in when I was a baby. I had no memory of it at all but I became extremely emotional when he told me about it, I was crying, and although I did not remember it, I had a knowing and some sort of faint recollection that the girls voice was the spirit girl who was trying to calm me down when I was literally almost frightened to death by that monster thing. (I later pondered if some of the cot deaths were occurring because of something like this, not all, but some, seemed to line up with the apparent incoming wave of lightworkers/Indigo's) She sang to me to try and keep me calm. I am even tearing up writing about it, I genuinely don’t know why it elicits such a strong emotional response. My dad said he had always been confused about the voice of the girl singing, it didn’t seem to fit in to the story, but I just blurted it out of nowhere and only later began to doubt it- Why did I say that? I don’t even remember the event? Why do I think she was singing to me? My Ego?
My dad is so into all of this by now that he is booked for his first ever psychic reading. It was a good one, there are rubbish readers out there and con artists for sure, but if you take them time to do your homework and you go to the right one, you just know it’s legit. He specifically asked her about the singing voice on the baby monitor, he didn’t tell her the full story. She said ‘yes the girl is here, she was a spirit trapped in the house (which got turned into flats), she was born in the Victorian era, severely disabled (It was a converted Victorian house). Her parents were ashamed and locked her in either the attic or one of the rooms, scantily feeding her, and she died at the age of 4 or 5. Her spirit was trapped in the house for some reason, and she used to sing to your daughter when she was distressed, it was her voice you heard on the monitor that night .’
My dad came back and told me this, and it made me emotional again, very. He said he was going to see if he could find any documented proof of it, nothing turned up. We moved from there when I was 4 but he still talked to a few people there when he saw them, so he went to visit 2 of them and told them about the girl’s voice, and what had been said in his reading, and even if they didn’t believe it, do they know anything about it? Many of the families there had lived there or near by for a couple of generations, and one of them told my dad that he had been told stories of a girl being locked in the attic because he had asked around himself a few years previous. His elderly neighbour accused him of crossing his attic into hers making a racket and blowing cold air at her in the night (ridiculous right). He suspected maybe there was a spirit or something and had been told by someone that a little girl had died in the attic of one of the flats.
Not pen and paper proof, but enough for me, and dad. I immediately realised why all this had resurfaced all these years later. I had been doing spirit rescues since I was about 16, or at least I thought that’s what was happening, I won’t know for sure until I get back over there! Ha. In an instant I knew she was likely still there, and I was going to go back there and rescue her.
I go to my room, stick on some meditation music, put my eye mask on to block out the light, do my prayers/protection/grounding, and mentally pictured the flat we used to live in, projecting my consciousness to that location. I was standing in an old rotten attic, cold, dark, damp,……..but nothing. I pictured a white light emanating from my chest, and said in my mind Where are you? Are you still here? Do you remember me? You used to sing to me?
I then saw her, she didn’t appear disabled, she did present her self as a child though, naked, dirty looking, it’s hard to describe it because the visions in your mind are different to physical perception, but ill do my best.
She said, ‘I thought you’d never come back, I’ve been waiting’. I got very upset and said ‘I’m sorry it’s taken so long for me to come back for you, it’s taken a long time to figure this all out. Thank you for singing to me when I was a baby and terrified ’.
She said, ‘I was trying to protect you, it could only get to you if you were in a fear response, so I was trying to sing to you so you would calm down, you had to be matching it’s vibration somewhat, I was trying to stop it.’ (it’s confusing to think of a child talking like this, but it’s just the way it is, I don’t question it now, she’s presenting her self as a child as this is what I was expecting, her consciousness is intelligent.)
We talked about it somewhat, she didn’t seem to know what it was, only that it was trying to hurt me, and I was her play friend, so she was trying to keep me safe, she said it was also very mean to her. After a little while I asked her if she wanted to go into the light and leave this place now, I could help her get there.
She didn’t want to, she didn’t want to see her parents again- she was now talking to me like a child would, I could see it was her childhood trauma which was keeping her here.
I had to talk to her now like a little child, and explain that her parents did very bad things when they were here yes, but that when you go into the light you learn about all the bad things you did and how to become a better person next time, that this life here is very confusing and lots of people forget who they really are and do terrible things that they don’t mean, and that if she went into the light they would be waiting to tell her how sorry they were and much they really loved her. She got emotional and asked if I was lying? I paused and thought I hope not, I’m not sure where half this shit comes from sometimes and I am not convinced I am not lying, about this whole god damn scenario really, but ill entertain my self and see it through, just in case this is real, and there is the soul of an innocent child trapped here.
She agreed to come, I pictured a tunnel opening and asked ‘them’ to come- as far as I understand, I am merely a conduit in this situation, I do not do the rescuing, I just hold the door open for spirits to be collected. I hold the vision of the tunnel of light, some beings I haven’t seen come and usher her in, I say good bye, I am thanked, I see a glimpse of her in a dress with a big smile on her face, and then I wake up about 2 hours later. Quite common, I fall asleep after.
I can’t prove any of this, I go between thinking it was a very real thing and thinking I just have a really vivid imagination. My strong emotional responses to hearing the pieces of the puzzle and even typing it out now are for me evidence that something has occurred, and my intuition agrees, in any case, it’s worthy of a blog.
I know this jumped from baby to teen's, but it was connected, ill be writing more about the spirit rescues, soon!
Thanks for reading with an open mind!
Much Love
MyIndigoInsight