God's voice was always there for me, even though I wasn't consciously aware it was His voice... after I started following His will more and inadvertently turned away from all known sin, I became more and more aware of something my spirit was INNATELY drawn to. I didn't know what (or who) this was at the time -- His Holy Spirit! Occasionally, images of Jesus Christ kept popping into my awareness and this validated all the difficult choices I was making in my life on my spiritual adventure. At this stage, Jesus was my example. In my mind, He was the prop, encouragement and validation I needed to follow that unknown my spirit was drawn to because the world (and my “ego”) seemed to be against me following that.
I decided that everything I knew was not what I was really looking for and was even possibly wrong on some level because nothing fed my spirit; nothing apart from this new mystery I could sense something within me was innately drawn to. Only later I recognized my spirit was drawing herself closer to its Creator.
No self-help, psychology, science, medicine, spirituality, guru, love interest, spiritual soul-mate, family, job, passion, travel, money, hobby etc. -- nothing I did or knew was good enough to meet the standards of my inner spirit. I knew I was far too tainted with falsehoods or somehow broken to ever possesses the pure, lifegiving goodness my spirit sought -- the spiritual goodness I was starting to sense more and more in my life -- I knew by then, this was not of me.
At the “end of my rope”, I naturally surrendered my SELF to the Truth of my Creator ONLY and completely denied anything false (every thought, feeling, ideology, person or entity inspired by Satan).(1)
Immediately, THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE supernaturally and spiritually filled me with His Holy Spirit. Instantly, I knew then that this is what (or rather WHO) everyone seeks in their being innately. There was ZERO doubt that this was my Creator!!! I realized that humans just look for a direct relationship with God in other things. We convince ourselves that these mirages are what we are looking for because it is scary to face our true nature -- a sinful state, disconnected to God. Any works we do, accomplish or veneer of love/respectability/success we have can never be sufficient to compensate for this nature.
I received 100% proof in my spirit that GOD existed. The God-shaped hole in my being was filled. The Creator surpassed ALL my expectations and more. In those instances, I realized that this is a precurser of how Jesus Christ was resurrected. I completely understood the Virgin conception of Mary with Jesus Christ and the creation of the universe (and everything else) by a TRUE, HOLY, LOVING and INFINITELY POWERFUL GOD.
Months of supernatural joy and peace followed... a by-product of God’s presence. Revelation after revelation followed. As God started removing the cr*p in my soul, I received more and more proof from the Holy Spirit and recognized that the Creator of it ALL is the Biblical YHWH (Yahuah), who Jesus Christ referred to as His Heavenly Father. I had merely misunderstood almost everything about God and His nature in my upbringing and walk in my sinful, soul/body nature -- no wonder I had became an atheist, then agnostic, then spiritual mystic. (2) I was drawn to the spiritual because I had a spirit but my spirit was dead without a personal relationship with God.
God had been with me all along -- I just had to start to be WITH Him. I recognized more and more instances in my past how God, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit was always present in my life -- I had never recognized Him before! As God continues to santify my soul, I become more and more sensitive to His voice; something easier to recognize after the Baptism of the Holy Spirit.
Don’t ever give up seeking God’s voice in your own life. Turn away from your carnal body/soul nature, all sin (which also blinds/deafens us to God) and resist the Devil. All the penalty and fines for our sins have been paid for by the sinless, only begotten Son of God, Jesus Christ / Yeshua Ha Mashiach. Do not fall for Satan’s condemnation or deceptions as you seek to get closer to our one and only Creator.
However hard it seems, you will not regret it. Spiritual warfare against the Devil (the superior spiritual foe) is real but God’s grace lifts us up! Jesus Christ is going to come back soon so be READY FOR IT!
I hope this testimony helps you on your own journey to seek God’s voice in your own life.
Nadine
(1) In hindsight, it is obvious now how this is “the Romans Road” as talked about in Christianity.
(2) God is loving and 100% just (never unfair). He sees everything in our heart and is always true but He is also angry at sin and the Devil’s evil -- just as we may get angry when there is true injustice and evil towards us. God truly did make us in His image... except we are not all-seeing, all powerful and all-present which is why we spiritually fell from grace and sin. Naturally, out of love, God gives us a way out of sin, death and hell -- through His Son, Jesus Christ.
