One of my favorite topics to talk about is justice, truth, and honesty.
Maybe because I was born Libra. Maybe because I studied law and practice that profession for a decade or so. The Renaissance author, Sir Francis Bacon once said: "A liar is a hero against God and a coward with people".
Why do people lie? In particular, why do people lie while they are in a relationship? Why do they lie to their partners, the ones they suppose to love more than anything? and what could be considered a lie anyhow?
Credit: lifehopeandtruth
I have always found that phenomena amazing and puzzling. After all, one cannot reach far with one's lies because ultimately the manipulation and the deceiving are revealed. There is always constant telepathic communication between people and especially between those who have strong emotional and spiritual connection such the one that TrueLove provides.
It seems that it takes great courage and self-discipline to be totally honest with your partner. If you just met him/her the temptation to lie is immense because they still do not know you and so they cannot check what you say. In addition, in the beginning, most people are naive so they "buy" into almost anything they are told. People do not expect the one they fell in love with to lie to them.
The internet in this respect is a two-edged sword:
On the one hand, it offers a vast platform for expressing and sharing. On the other hand, it offers anonymity which can be used by some to hide even more from the world. No wonder the dating websites have gained a bad reputation. People do not know if the photos they see are genuine; if the people they chat with are who they say they are and in general the great promise of the internet as a place for bringing people together has brought even more cheating, lying, fear, and mistrust.
Recently I was asked by a young man how to deal with the lies of his girlfriend. He said that she constantly lied to him, deluding herself that he doesn't notice. Those lies were indeed minor, the guy said, but still, they made him sad and hopeless regarding the potential of their relationship. "If she lies to me now about the small things, who can guarantee she won't lie on much bigger things while we are married!?" he asked. And of course, there's a point in his question.
As much as the situation is grave and the love is great I advised Simon - that was the name of the young man - to wait with his proposal. "Asking your beloved to marry you", I told him, "must be done with the purest intention and never while you carry fear and concerns in your mind. When TrueLove is involved you must become a clear channel to allow that energy to flow through you and such status demands total honesty. Total honesty. Any compromise here would be your undoing".
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Understanding lying
Many times when marriages fail and the great love fades away the reason can be found in the masks the couple has worn onto themselves.
It is easy and tempting to disregard problems before the marriage and to hope that soon after the wedding everything will be all right. This is perhaps the greatest illusion that love can bring. In that regard, love is indeed blind. To understand the concept of dishonesty one needs to delve into the root causes.
As a rule, a person who lies is a person who fears. Always!
Check yourself and check the lies that you hear all the time from relatives, from the media, from leaders, from teachers and even the lies you tell to yourself. You lie because you fear. Either you fear that if you didn't lie the reality would not become the one you wanted, or that if you didn't lie something bad would happen. "If my girlfriend knew I didn't graduate college she would dump me"; "if my boyfriend knew about my real weigh he would leave me"; and so on and so forth. Immature lovers are driven by fear.
Those who lie most always easily justify their deeds. They can not admit to themselves that they fear so they find excuses for being dishonest. Sometimes those excuses are very good! Excellent excuses which are anchored in issues such as life and death, religion, 'saving the world', 'saving the other', spiritual principles and so on and so forth. The mind can always find good excuses to justify its actions. After all, even murderers and criminals are certain that they did the right thing!
My friends - let me be clear: in the kingdom of TrueLove there is no room for fear. Argue with me as much as you want, disregard my words and try to prove me wrong. You will fail. As long as you keep lying to others you remain bathing in fear. TrueLove does not know fear and therefore it laughs dishonest conduct in its face. Indeed, you may fall in love; you may have a nice relationship, but never The TrueLove kind. Indeed, you may get married to your prince-charming or princess-bride only to be faced with cheating, betray, frustration and agony soon after. TrueLove does not know fear; therefore, TrueLove cannot accept lies. Total honesty is a must.
Let me explain something - It's not a question of good or bad. We are way beyond the duality kind of thinking. God will not punish you if you lie. The Great Spirit does not watch your doings and mark each lie just to make you pay for it later in hell or by karma. Rather, the physical rules of life - and I am talking pure physics here - cannot bring together a reality that is based on love and fear at the same time. The frequencies do not match. So, one can try as much as one desires, but in the end, fear must be relinquished altogether.
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How to...?
If you read these words and recognize the behavior I am talking about don't be discouraged. Quitting lying is merely a question of choice. Wake up in the morning and decide that for the rest of the day you will say only the truth. You will not tell lies, you will not hide the truth from others and especially from the one you love.
And what if you find yourself in a situation that simply demands to conceal the truth? don't say a thing. Silence can be beautiful conduct sometimes. Try it. You can say something like this: "I prefer not to answer that right now". In that way, you didn't say a lie and still remained comfortable. If others respect you as a human being they will appreciate your attitude.
Also -
- Honesty is a relative value. As such there may be situations in which "telling the truth" would take a second seat. For instance, if you need to lie to save your life then obviously being honest would not be appropriate. As a rule, I would suggest listening to your heart. When you feel the "little tiny black hole" inside you that bothers you all day long then you can be certain that your lies were not appropriate.
- We are human beings and part of being a physical being is to bring out and manifest the new insights and wisdom we have gained. It is pointless to make affirmations to oneself and to promise to oneself that one would never lie again while one continues to integrate and use lies in one's reality. Nowadays, the biggest challenge for those who carry the TrueLove light is to "walk their talk". Once that is done everything else finds its proper place
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What if you exercise Total-honesty conduct and then the reality you feared from manifest before you?
Let's examine a common situation. You met a guy whom you liked very much. You felt the "click", your body responded, your heart bit faster, your mind said "go for it" and you certainly had the butterflies. An Authentic and truthful approach would push you to reveal your feelings. After all, Love wants to be expressed, doesn't it? But you were afraid! You were afraid that the one you love would reject you so you never revealed your true feelings to him. You hinted, you flirted, and you did small moves but never took the bold step to say: "I like you, Dan. You are very dear to me and I am interested in having a relationship with you".
You kept love inside of you until it died. On the one hand, your Ego praises you: "well done, you were wise not to be totally honest. You could have gotten hurt!! Oh my god, what would happen if he rejected you?!!!.... thank god you were wise!!!!".
Now you feel good with yourself. You acted rationally and now you are safe. But there is a small voice within that keeps bugging you. You don’t hear it at first but it gets louder in the evenings when you are alone, or while you watch a romantic movie. Alone. "Are you sure you did the right thing?”, the little voice asks, “Indeed, you were not rejected and therefore could not get hurt, but at the same time you never gave a chance to that guy!".
Total honesty, my friends, means also to be authentic with yourself; to allow your true self to express itself. The fear and the temporary paralysis that you might feel when you finally decide to be totally honest are simply the natural reactions of your body to the new choice you just made. It's ok, allow the panic and the fear to surface, talk to them, explain that you love yourself SO MUCH that you are safe. That all is well. That even if you are rejected eventually everything will be well because you choose TrueLove and you know that one challenge to pass towards that Kingdom is the challenge of Total Honesty.
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How to handle a dishonest partner?
The answer is based on the principle that the path towards TrueLove is done alone. As Homer Simpson once said: "Marge, it takes two to lie. One who tells the lies and the other to listen". In a relationship those who lie to you still love you. They merely fear that if they told the truth something bad would happen.
The cure to that situation is to let them know that you love them no matter what; that you would remain with them no matter how bad the situation or how satanic the skeletons they hide in their closet are (naturally, you must decide first if you have that kind of love towards them).
But what happens if you did all that and they still lie to you? In that case, remember that this is the way of life they choose. If they still choose to remain chained to the fear monarch then you have nothing to do there. In fact, you cannot do anything for them anymore and the more you remain attached to them the more you root yourself in their reality. That in itself reinforces THEIR fear and might even cause you to adopt the fearful patterns as well.
Leave those who choose the way of cheating, artifice, and lying. You cannot save them. You have done enough, you showered your love, you showed your compassion, you made TrueLove accessible to them, and now it is only their move to take.
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And should you find it's difficult to leave those who you love so much but yet who disrespect you with their lies, remember Victor Hugo's words: "People hate those whom they have to lie to".