I thought about you today, and I thought about you yesterday. And the day before I shut you out of my life partially, but like they say, ‘what’s worth doing is worth doing well.’ So I kept pushing those doors until they were closed, completely. One of the best but painful decisions I ever had to made was letting go, but that never stopped me from thinking about you. Sometimes it’s all I can think of; sometimes I get lost in those thoughts. They reawaken the urge to hear your tiny little voice or probably see your smile again. You know I could talk about your smile all day and yes I do remember. I remember like it was yesterday—you were lying right next to me, in your birthday suit which I deem your best probable outfit, fantasizing about the life we hoped to someday have together. Yes, I do remember. I remember never wanting to let go—how I did, I still cannot fathom. For me, you were everything I wanted in the now and in the future, but I have had my fair share of everything I deem real, true, pure and beautiful. I would leave that story for another day. And let's back-track to the part where I tell you how imperfect, and novel, and wrong we were but how good you made it feel that I was crazy enough to try it all over again. You were my Sunday morning, every evening; you were my hallelujah when I needed a saving grace. You were…
Remember the first time I made you cry? Remember it was in a dark room on a Friday. You sat on the cold floor covered in your tears while I acted indifferently. Yes, I do remember. You got drunk with wine and your own thoughts, fighting with different emotions, yes I could feel it, and I knew it. I knew the tough decision you had to make to be with me. Yes, I do remember. It was and still is one of the most sincere moments we had. I remembered swearing on my mother’s life never to hurt you again, a promise I failed to keep. I watched strings of reoccurring drama pull us closer and closer together. Until I happened.
I happened and things happened. Things you will never understand, things I never want you to understand. Thus I was left with two choices—watch us slowly fall apart or break my heart a million times by letting you go. It’s a thousand and one times today and still counting. But I smile every single time I see you thrive, doing well without me. Most times—if I’m, to be honest with myself—I secretly pray you to find somebody who would replicate the love we shared and even surpass it.
As I stand to lurk in the dark like your guardian angel, I hope and pray you to become the woman you’re meant to be and as you begin this new chapter in your life, I still hope and pray that you find all you can possibly dream of and hopefully, someday you would look back and understand that I never truly left…Someday, if you ever truly want to be in love, I will be around (I promise).
©nonsowrites
https://prynczzwonda.wordpress.com/2017/09/05/congratulating/
September 5, 2017
Image source: https://pixabay.com/photo-2481969/