Life happens and we are left with what next to do. Many times, we get unexpected encounters or occurrences that leave us stuck with various decisions on how to navigate through the shocking moment, and because we weren't expecting such at that point, we feel overwhelmed trying to find the best way to solve the issues.
The first thing I have learnt to do in such a situation is acceptance. Accepting that it has happened and understanding that things like that happen, and when it is something bad, we feel it shouldn't happen to us. But it is what it is. Acceptance leads to solving the problem rather than ignoring it which leads to not attending to whatever life throws at us.
There are lots of stories that I have heard of how a child is adopted and nurtured by different parents and when the child grows up, they feel it is time to reveal the truth and let him or her know they aren't the biological parents. In a case where the child has been loved and cared for by the adoptive parents, he or she finds it hard to let go of them but to continue staying with them while he or she finds out who the biological parents are. In other cases, the child wanting to know the real parents may depend on different factors.
In my case, if I wake up one day and find out the parents who nurtured and took care of me aren't my biological parents, what would I do? First thing first, I am thirty years old already when I discovered this and having the adoption document serving as proof has said it all. There is nothing like they are joking with me. It's the truth.
What next?
The first thing I would do is to take my time processing the new information as I would still be doubting it even though the proof is with me. These are people I have known all my life till I became a grown-up lady. They have been my parents who have brought me up into the best lady I am. I will find it hard to believe. After all, my emotions would range from shock, confusion and even betrayal because I would feel betrayed in that moment. Why are they telling me now? Why not some years back when I was still little? What was wrong and why do they want me to know now when I have been deeply connected to the family?
All of these would take me time to process these feelings so that I wouldn't make a rash decision. This process would give me time to think of the next thing to do or say.
Then after taking my time to process the new information, I would start to reflect on my relationship towards the people who have raised me. How have they treated me? Have they been the best people I can ever be around with or those I wished weren't my parents? Knowing they have been the best in taking care of me, though the news may feel disorienting, the relationship with them is still real.
It's time to seek answers. I want to know their side of the story. I want to know why my biological parents left me when they adopted me. I want to know their reasons for not telling me earlier and why they are telling me now. After listening to their stories and reasons, and after understanding their perspectives which is fair to me, it's now time to look for my biological parents.
This doesn't mean I want to leave them for my real parents, I just want to meet them if they are still alive. I want to know why they decided to leave me for another family to raise me. Of course, I need to be fully ready and prepared for this. Is it something I am emotionally and mentally ready for? Is reaching out to them important or not?
Meeting them would be determined by what I have heard from my adoptive parents and if they are worth going my way to look for them, I will, and if not, I will continue my relationship with the ones who had raised me to this level while I still keep in contact with my biological parents, but if they are dead, all well and good. Case closed!
First image:RDNE Stock project || Second image:Juan Pablo Serrano
