Welcome -- to the very second episode of our highly anticipated series The Super Secret Crazy Cult Journal - That I Keep. For those still unaware, we announced the commencement of the series just a few days ago here in this well-recieved post.
So without further ado, today's episode:
A Meditation on Romantic Reciprocity: On Unrequited Love
You can't hate someone for not liking you. It's a simple, basic truth. Don't tell it to people in this situation, though. If you've ever experienced the pain of unrequited love you'd know that the first reaction; the simplest, easiest, and, dare I say, most effective reaction is to automatically hate that person.
To deprecate, and by so doing, efface.
But it's not right. It's simple and unequivocal to see. Unless they led you on, of course, or jilted you or left you halfway, or hurt you in any malicious way etc etc, you simply just cannot resort to hatred no matter how efficient it is.
Girls I like never like me. For as long as I can remember this has always been the case. I never really thought much to it, though. I was solid. The first time it happened I was solid.
Of course inevitably you start to feel insecure and overthink it, but I've always been solid. For example I've never had doubts as to where I stand in such things. Take physical appearance, for instance. I've never believed myself to be Denzel Washington or Michael B Jordan.
So when the first girl I liked didn't like me, I thought, as a normal person would, that it was because I wasn't attractive or good-looking enough. My ego, of course, took a hit. But like I said I was solid. I didn't mind it much. So what I wasn't the guy that takes breaths away with his looks. I was solid and there was a reason for that.
See I've always believed what I lacked in visual appeal I make up for with a little intellect. I believe, you see, that I'm a just a tad bit smarter than your average cookie. And that I could always use that to my advantage. Whether I was right or wrong in thinking this didn't matter, what was important was that I believed. And for that reason, I. Was. Solid.
But then it happened again. So I considered maybe I was ugly again. Still didn't matter. I was still solid.
Then a girl fell madly in love with me.
Then we broke up.
Then it happened again. And this time, to tell you the truth, I'm not so solid.
Unrequited love is fucked. Forget the psychological implications on self esteem that I mentioned up there. Apart from that melodrama, it's just plain fucked. It's freaking painful. That shit hurts your heart. It legit hurts your damn palpable beating heart.
Why?
Well for instance not being loved back is so one sided it seems remarkably senseless and unfair. See, every single thing happening around you, every sense experience, reminds you of this one person, but nothing, absolutely nothing, reminds that person of you.
That shit hurts, man.
I mean, don't you come across a meme and think of me? A song? A poem? Don't you see something and think DAMN I GOTS TO SHARE WITH HIM? Because I do. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
And that's why that shit hurts so badly.
And to make shit worse, you can't hate them. It's not right. It just makes no sense. They have a right to not find you attractive. They have a right to not reciprocate. It's not their fault you're a stupid idiot who can't help falling in love.
Here's the entry for today btw. The cause of this whole ruckus:
This was 7th of May! It got worse.
Five ways to deal with unrequited love, I'll tell you. But first you gotta trust me on this, cos if you've been reading so far you'd have seen I have great experience on this topic. So five ways to deal with unrequited love, I'll tell you:
- disparage and deprecate: the memories, the object,
yourself,
- tergiversate
- hate
- die
- be doomed forever
This not a fuckin thesis or a fucking textbook on matters of the hearts or whatever. I'm not going to elaborate nonsense. I'm just saying, I have my options and I don't find any of them attractive.
It's just an entry in the series where I share my diary stuffs and this is what's on today.
You can't hate someone for not loving you back. It's not right. Have a nice day. Check out this place on the internet where things on love are written about: Nubian Lovebirds.