Do what you say and do not say what you will not do !
(to remain credible in the eyes of the child)
If you say "Again and you go to bed" and the child disobeys again, do not give him a second chance. Do not threaten in a vacuum. Do not repeat the same thing 5 times. After a threat, act. (Otherwise, the child will not be afraid of your threats and will not obey.)
Do not say a threat that you will not respect. Ex : "Again and you will not be watching TV for a month anymore" when you know you will not be holding this ban for so long.
"If you continue, you will copy it to me 1000 times" while you will only require 20 times or 100 times.
It is better to say nothing than to say something that you will not do.
Stop screaming, say things once and act calmly but firmly.
Praise, encourage the good behavior of your children
- Do not just make remarks to him when he disobeys, when he does something wrong.
Be sure to balance your criticism : that there are at least as many positive as negative remarks.
- Avoid systematic material rewards. "If you have a nice newsletter, you'll have money, a bike"
(He must behave for pleasure, to please, because he knows it's better and not to receive something.)
- Reward the behavior rather than the result : a child can work a lot and have 70% to his newsletter while another makes no effort and has 80% to his newsletter.
We must therefore reward, congratulate the work provided, the efforts made, the behavior rather than the result.
Do you prefer a child who cheats and wins his tennis match or a child who stays honest, fair and loses his match ?
Give a lot of love (and time) to your children !
Next to your discipline, punishments that you give him, spend time with your child. Play, discuss with him, be interested in what he is doing and show him that you love him. Listen to him. (This is the best way for him to understand and accept the discipline you demand.)
Do not give him love when he does something wrong, when he disobeys.
Give them hugs regularly ! Spoil them emotionally !
Tell them explicitly that you love them !
Inculcate values (showing the example)
So that your child is armed to resist and fight against egoism, jealousy, laziness, money, mockery, ... pass on the values of respect for others, the environment, patience, calm perseverance, politeness, work, tolerance, listening, courage, positive spirit, personality (daring to be different), ...
By applying these principles yourself !
Do not do it for him ! Develop his autonomy and his "sense of activity" !
To promote autonomy, resourcefulness, stop doing everything in its place:
Learn him very early then :
Let him make his toast (from 5 to 6 years old)
Let him cut his meat alone (from 4 to 5 years old)
Let him eat with two cutlery
Let him dress himself, put on his shoes, make his laces
Let him put away his clothes
Let him phone, and answer the phone
Let him carry his school bag (from kindergarten)
Let him clean his shoes
Let him tie up his shoes
Let him walk, bike (rather than drive him anywhere, whenever he wants).
And above all, let it be wrong, miss, start again, ...
Work and participation in household and outdoor tasks are good ways to instill the value of things, the value of work, courage, ...
Everything you do in its place will prevent it from growing, learning and becoming responsible.
Letting it get used to your child being ACTIVE, MOVING to get what he wants and not waiting for it to be brought on a tray.
Do not avoid meetings and conflicts
Conflict teaches the child that he is not alone on earth, that others are different.
The conflict teach the child to negotiate, to share, to sympathize, to think of the other !
Learning to resolve conflict will allow him to learn to live with his colleagues, his neighbors when he is older.
Do not buy 2 gifts to prevent them from arguing. Teach them to share a toy with two.
Do not turn on the TV to prevent them from arguing. Do not buy two televisions to avoid the hassle !
Punishments precisely calibrated ?
To educate is to make children responsible. The best punishments will always be those that will serve this accountability.
The 9 mistakes not to do :
1 - Believe your child will understand and learn the rules alone. He needs you to educate him to grow.
2 - Think that because you explained the rules, it is no longer necessary to impose them. A fighting phase is inevitable.
3 - All forbid. The "all-forbidden" is not only destructive but also counterproductive.
4 - Give orders without explaining, train your child to obey.
5 - Promise a punishment and not give it. You lose all credibility. Next time, he'll look at you with a smirk.
6 - Forbid one day, allow the next day. Your child needs consistency, otherwise he does not understand anything.
7 - Be terrorized at the thought of hurting your little one. Of course, you impose frustrations on him. But these are normal and inevitable sufferings. It's the same when you ask him not to put his hand in the socket!
8 - Imagine that because you forbid something to your child, you are a bad parent. To love is to educate, on the contrary.
9 - To assimilate your child to his actions. He stole a trinket at the supermarket? There is no point in humiliating him by calling him a thief. He must be told what theft is, tell him that he is sanctioned by society and warn him that he himself will be punished if he begins again.
All images from Pixabay
Children are the most precious thing in life. A parent must do everything he can to give a child a sense of family.
Elvis Presley
Artist, Singer, Musician (1935 - 1977)
Thank you for reading, I wish a successful life to everyone.
