That was an absolutely entertaining read. I'm breathless. You do make me laugh, although I'm not sure it was your intention!

It sounds like the main problem is the chooks. Forget EVERYTHING and get them under control first! I love that meme that says 'even the most patient gardener loses their shit when the chickens get out' (I'm paraphrasing here).

Also, have you seen that you can make a frame and put some hard chook wire across top, and that way the (expired but maybe still valid) plants can poke up through for the chooks but they don't get utterly decimated and can grow up again for said chooks?

Oh dear with the asbestos. That's what Dad died off but I'm pretty sure you'd have to inhale a heap of it for it to be a massive concern so don't worry. Besides it doesn't appear til you're way older and you have to die of something. Oh dear that doesn't help either. I should stop talking. But damn you asbestos and the company that made it.

I really want to do creeping thyme too. I lack the patience however.

You could make a worm farm out of the bath? We did.. it's on Hive somewhere....