Going through my photo album, I realized that my childhood is action-packed, it was filled with events from different occasions from here and there -most of them that I have no memories of. Thanks to these albums, I have a bit of an idea about my childhood. I think this was the time that my mommy Merly was still with us. According to my Mommy F, it is originally Mommy Merly who wants me to join in any events for kids. And she's the one who's always taking care of me. But too sad, she left too early.
Now all of these are just vague memories. I'm always wondering, though, what if she's still with us? What would my life become? Would it be as colorful and lively as this, or am I really destined to take a dark path even if she's with us or not? There are times that I wish she's still with us, you know, I think I was five when she left. I'm at that age where I barely even react to sad events or am still clueless. How I wish I remembered her even when I'm 2, so that I could have more memories of her.
Although my childhood is filled with fears and terror, I can't still deny the fact that I truly enjoyed my childhood. The bad things that happened will forever stay with me, but my beautiful present covered it all. And I can say I am finally free from all the sad memories and bad things that happened to me during my childhood that lasted until college days. And I thank myself for healing me. And yes, we can all heal, but you have to help yourself and be determined and courageous if you want that to happen.
Anyways, I love my childhood days, that's the time where I was more active, had a lot of friends, and was so free - from responsibilities I mean. I can enjoy playing with friends if Mom is out and got busy delivering bread. It can take a half day, but I know when she'll get home, so if ever I heard her tricycle engine, I would run from our friends home to our house. Even though I fear here, as a stubborn kid, I can just have fun secretly. Sometimes friends visit me at home and will just play inside the house, near the baking area. And that's my favorite part, even as a kid, I already like dress up game, lol. Although all we did was just put it on, then knot it in a different style.
From there, we'll play dress up using the fabric used in the bakery. If Mom sees me playing with it, she'll get mad at me. But that didn't really stop me from having fun. Yes, I fear Mom, but if I just let fears take over my body, my childhood would surely be boring as hell. I'm glad that despite my fears for my mom, I made the most of my childhood. And I love my childhood because of that. I love how carefree I was back then. As I grow older, that's when I take my fears to Mom seriously. Because the punishment gets scarier as I get older. And that's the part I didn't like during my childhood.
The punishment whenever I did bad things - I got pinched, got whipped, and got slapped a lot of times. Of course I know it is also my fault that I received those. But how I wish Mom was just a bit harsher to me, you know, just lightly. But no, she's really harsh, and that's her way of disciplining me. I resented her, but not anymore. And whenever I look back, remembering the past, all I can think now is how fun it is just to be a kid. I really miss my childhood friends too, they were all with me during my childhood. It is too sad that we got separated and we didn't even make an effort to make that friendship last.
And that's another thing I love during my childhood. The friendship that was created and the fun memories we had together. Oh how I really miss them!
Lead Image Edited in Canva.